The tiger is a fancy beast
That thinks of you as Fancy Feast.
If you’re not a fan of dyin’
You should only hug a lion.
Tag Archives: Travesty
When You Stretch The Truth Just A Teensy Bit To Get A Sponsorship
When I was a child
I had a lot of fun
Playing a mosquito
As I drank my CapriSun.
Now I’m nine-feet-tall and rich
And so hot it’s not funny
So, CapriSun, please send me
Stuff that doesn’t cost me money.
Filed under Poems
I’m Sleepy, You Have Low Expectations… Let’s Compromise
Brevity is a virtue…
Perfect rhyming too
I have one of those
Filed under Poems
Middle Class White People
Today I drove home on a road full of cracks
Past a tent city filled with the needy
To hear how the state gave 85 billion
To terrorists, but somehow I’m greedy?
Filed under Poems
Excuses, Excuses (Published August 20th Wink wink yay time zones)
Tonight I went to Alaska
In my imagination
For a very lively
Nine-minute vacation.
The reason that I took
Was to say that it’s alright
And my daily streak’s unbroken
Thanks to an imaginary flight.
Filed under Poems
The Nasty Aftertastes Of Society That Won’t Go Away
I feel like at this point
Most people would agree the
Invention of social media
Was a really bad idea,
While at the same time saying
“We can do nothing about it”
And most of those agree
That they could not live without it.
The same has gone for junk food,
Fancy coffee, cigarettes:
We consume them faster
Than we process our regrets.
I look forward to the day
When we look at that list
And add the important footnote
That governments shouldn’t exist.
Filed under Poems
Flowers for Algernon
Someday in the future
Somebody will share
A painting so perfect
Nothing else can compare,
And most everybody
Will say “Ooh” and “Ahh”
Except for the few
Who insist there’s a flaw.
All other artwork
Before it and after
Won’t evoke the same awe
Or inspire such laughter,
Won’t bring to the eyes
The same sweetness of tears
And from then to the end
There will be the dark years
Where no art seems special
Like the ultimate piece,
So exhibits will dry up
And artists will cease.
New adventures will stagnate
When our needs are all met
So let’s just be happy
That we’re not perfect yet.
Filed under Poems
An Essential Part of a Healthy Diet
Somebody somewhere said “Sometime
“We should make a drink that tastes
“Like a combination of radio static
“And a big bin of nuclear wastes.”
Somebody nearby said “Sounds good,
“But I’m afraid I have bad news:
“Someone has already created that product.
“It’s called sparkling grapefruit juice.”
Filed under Poems
I Get It, I Am It, But It Is Done Unto Me
This morning as I wandered
Through the hallways of my mind
With hopes that I would stumble on
Something of an inspiring kind
I realized quite suddenly
That I had been so dense
As to never realize “Naked”
Was a verb in the past-tense.
I realize all this time
That I don’t ever nake,
But allow it to be done to me
When I go in a lake
Or when ai take a shower…
Yes, I always get naked
But never do I nake myself
Before I go to bed.
I’ve never dreamed of naking,
But I’ve dreamed of naking others.
A child can undress itself
But isn’t naked by mothers.
In fact it seems the only one
Who nakes remains unseen,
And I wonder if the Naker
Is new, or has always been…
Filed under Poems
All of History (Fade and Repeat)
Someone said “Let the good times roll”
And folks said “Yay” and “Wow.”
Then someone said “Disease exists”
And folks said “Quit rolling now.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 