I really hope for chaos’ sake
That the cure for Covid be
The presence of police
Because, well, blessed irony!
Tag Archives: Travesty
Extinction, Past and Future
I used to be a Dodo bird
But then I went extinct.
I came back as a Quagga
And then a Cape Verde Great Skink.
I’ve been a Passenger Pigeon
And even a Lesser Bilby.
I’ve yet to be a 5’11 male human
But soon, I fear, I will be…
Filed under Poems
Something To Look Forward To
Until we meet my bed is made,
My shirts are pressed, my bills are paid,
My car is washed, as is my hair
Because you might be anywhere.
Until we meet I’ll laugh and smile.
I’ll be polite and dress in style.
I’ll tip well and I’ll laugh a lot
And hope that your eye will be caught.
Until we meet I’ll be a saint,
Speak properly and not say “ain’t,”
And when you’ve sworn off other men
Then I can be a dick again!
Filed under Poems
When A Cackle Goes Too Far…
James Bond was trapped,
Tied up and surrounded,
And here’s what the villain
That James Bond had found did:
He said, “Mr. Bond,
“I expect you to die.”
Then he started to laugh
And eventually cry
Until he heaved silently,
Occasionally snorting,
So deeply amused
By his cliched retorting.
Twelve minutes later
The laughter abated
And the villain said, “Thanks,”
And he no longer hated.
The goons untied Bond
And he left there okay,
And they say Bond and Baddie
Are friends to this day.
Filed under Poems
Southern Love
Somewhere there’s a purple bear
Who cries itself to sleep.
The cubs call him “The purple one
“Who, when he’s sleepy, weeps.”
I want to find that purple bear
Upon one lonely night
And give him stuffed Teddy Roosevelt
And say, “It’ll be alright.”
The purple bear will thank me
As he dries his tears away
And hug the small plush human
And know that he’s okay.
I want to pat that little bear
Upon his purple head,
But I’m also scared he’ll maul me
So I’m hunting him instead.
Filed under Poems
Manly Sea Captain Poems
I was a pirate cap’n
A’sail upon the sea
And I’d laugh at the other ships
When they would try to flee.
I’d sail up behind ’em
And though they might protest
I’d grab ’em by the booty
At my cap’nly behest!
——————————————————–
When your captain is a man
“Land ho!” is often said.
When your captain isn’t
They shout “Land, hoe!” Instead.
——————————————————–
When I became a captain
I quit being a virgin
Thanks to an encounter
That I had with a sturgeon!
Filed under Poems
I Want A Woman Who Respects Anatomical Vocabulary Decisions
I have a stomach summit,
An abdominal alley,
A gut gulch, a paunch pouch,
A beneath-the-vest valley,
A digester dugout,
A taut torso trench,
But she said “Belly-Button”
So I dumped the wench.
Filed under Poems
When You Disagree By Not Agreeing To Agree To Disagree
He asked ten people if among them
One would disagree.
Nine said yes, that’s how it works.
The tenth person was me.
Filed under Poems
If Dr. Seuss Were A Rapper
We are blacks. You are whites.
You deny our human rights.
You can shoot us while we snack.
You can shoot us in the back.
You can shoot us while we sleep
Or brand us as unusual sheep.
We have never met our dad,
But blackness isn’t only bad.
We are physically much bigger
And can call each other the first part of Ryan Higa’s Youtube channel.
Being black is sometimes great.
We get to attend Penn State
Instead of living in a dump,
All because white guys can’t jump.
If you know of current trends
We will steal your girlfriends;
You are white and we are black
And they ain’t ever coming back!
Filed under Poems
How The West Was Won
There was a guy with short, dark hair
Who lived in the middle of nowhere.
Then a bad guy came to town
And some anarchy went down.
The guy was told about the event
So he spurred his horse and off he went
To meet the jerk who scared the meek
And also the one girl who gets to speak.
A lot of folks will die, of course,
While riding nowhere on a horse.
There will be a fateful fight
Before guy rides off into the light.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 