Some folks like chocolate ice creams,
Some folks prefer vanillas,
And some folks don’t like ice creams at all
Because they’re serial killas.
Tag Archives: Travesty
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If America falls into a second civil war
And you live in a republican town
It’s smart to hide in the welfare office
‘Cause that’s one place the Dems won’t burn down.
——————————————————–
If America falls into a second civil war
And you live in a democratic city
You’ll get shot alright
But if you’re not white
No one will say anything that makes you feel shitty.
——————————————————–
If America falls into a second civil war
And California is wiped off the map
The quality of films will go through the roof
As long as you like that Japanese crap.
Filed under Poems
A Oui Problem…
When I discovered my gender-neutral parent
Was not my biological dad
I realized it was quite the faux pa.
Yes, this poem is bad.
Filed under Poems
Truth Hurts
She said “You’re too accommodating
“And also get defensive a lot.”
I said “That’s fine, we’ll work it out
“And also, no I’m not.”
Filed under Poems
Why Die For Your Country When You Can Respect Children?
Though you think of cops and firemen
Or a soldier or marine,
There are men in much more danger
Doing work that’s rarely seen.
I don’t mean high-rise window washers
Or test pilots, you fools!
I speak of male teachers
At elementary schools.
Filed under Poems
“One Man” Was Found Murdered In His Home That Same Evening
I asked “Why call it PMS?
“This will really save my bacon!”
One man wrote back “It’s PMS
“‘Cause ‘Mad Cow Disease’ was taken.”
Filed under Poems
When A Kid Asks “Why Is Money Good?”
If you write someone a check
For $20.42
You’re basically giving them
A fancy IOU
That they can take to any bank
And swap for coins and bills
Which are, themselves, just IOUs
From folks on capital hill.
You can use these IOUs
To buy treasury bonds
Which are IOUs that pay you cash
Just for holding on.
If you cash these IOUs
You’ll find, in fact, you can’t
Because they’re just as meaningless
As the average Facebook rant,
But if you give them to your friends
Or drop them from the sky
You’ll become an instant hero.
Now do you regret asking “Why?”
Filed under Poems
What Degree of Bachelor?
I was sitting by myself
When, as if from out of thin air,
A nymph straight from my fantasies
Asked “Is anyone sitting there?”
I smiled as well as a man can smile
When faced with an 11/10
And said “It’s free.” She said “Lovely!”
Then gave it to her friend.
Filed under Poems
Brown-Eyed Girl [With Non-Violent Lyrics To Accommodate All Genders, Eye Colors, Geographic Locations, Ability Levels…]
Hey, where did we go
Days when the [weather happened]?
[Over] in the hollow
Playin’ a [mutually enjoyed] game.
Laughin’ and [a-movin’,] hey hey
[Via our unspecified motor abilities]
In the [typical morning environmental conditions] with
Our hearts a-[operating energetically’,] and you
My [human with eyes].
You’re [a strong, independent person with eyes].
And whatever happened
To Tuesday and so [relaxed]
Going down the [honored legacy repository location] with a
[Non gender-specific sibling audio device]?
[Present] in the [environment]! [self-expressin’]
Hidin’ behind a rainbow’s [vertical barrier]
Slippin’ and a-slidin’
All along the [local water feature] with you
My [individual with eyes].
You’re [a self-actualizing homo-sapien sapien with eyes].
Do you remember when
we used to [communicate]
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da
(just like that)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da
La te da
So [challenging] to find my way
Now that I’m [pursuing self-defined success independently]
I [encountered] you just the other day
My, how you have [altered aspects of yourself without diminishing their quality]
Cast my memory back there, [authority figure]?
Sometimes I’m [very impressed] thinkin’ ’bout
[Consensual intimacy] in the green grass
Behind the [culture-neutral building] with you
My [specimin with eyes].
You’re [an entity possessing human shape platonically correlated with me, and you have eyes].
[Don’t be ashamed if you can’t, or choose not to ] remember when
we used to [extemporate]
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da ([existin’] in the [local foliage]!)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da (bit by, bit by, bit by, bit by, bit
by, bit)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da (sha la la la la, la la la la, la te
da, la te da, la te da, da da da)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da…
Filed under Lyrics
When The Subtitles Don’t Match The Singer
Sometimes I wonder
If deaf people have to censor rap videos
Because someone accidentally curses in sign language.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 