The origin of Death Metal
Is really pretty neat:
They recorded Beatles fans
And set it to a beat.
Tag Archives: Travesty
Immortality, Step One
I flirted with death
When I ran a red light.
Death tweeted #Metoo
‘Cause I’m male and white.
Filed under Poems
Infinity
I was an ordinary guy
Who married a single mom.
My new wife had an adult son…
I chose to call him Tom.
I was the product of a household
If a single mom as well
And it just so happened that my mom
Was my son Tom’s new belle.
Mom and Tom got married
And things got really fun
‘Cause a man who’s now my uncle
Is also my stepson.
Also interesting,
And nearly twice as bad,
Is that my stepson/uncle
Is also now my dad.
So if my son’s my father
Then I really have become
My own father as well
Since I’m my father’s father’s son.
Thus I am at once myself
And someone unrelated.
One of me is weirded out;
The other is elated.
Microaggressions
I told my friend “good morning”
And they just said “morning” back
Which makes me wonder what I did
To deserve that sort of attack.
——————————————————–
He said “My pronoun’s potato
“Instead of he, him, and his.”
I mumbled “What isn’t a pronoun”
And he shouted “Yes, what is!”
——————————————————–
I ate dessert for breakfast
Though I don’t know how or why;
I made some scrambled eggs
But they identified as pie.
Filed under Poems
Think Of A Clown, But Creepy, Then Laugh A Lot And Act Evil…
Jared Leto, as The Joker,
Made “Suicide Squad” tolerable.
Joaquin Phoenix, as The Joker,
Made his film a billion-dollar-able
Heath Ledger, as The Joker,
Took the Oscar world by storm
And Jack Nicholson, as The Joker,
Was creepy, as per the norm.
Cesar Romero, as The Joker,
Was a true comedic villain.
With nothing but his voice
Mark Hamill made The Joker chilling.
Looking at this track record
All I have to say
Is maybe… (bear with me) maybe…
Joker’s an easy roll to play?
Filed under Poems
The Power Of Education
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
This poem is boring;
Let’s see what a PhD will do…
Rosoideae are vermillion,
Their brethren, cyan.
I choose to eschew the quotidian
Because, demonstrably, I can.
Filed under Poems
Horror Movies
Steve wanted to scare me
So he said “Guess what’s groovy?
“In ten years they’ll probably
“Make Jenga: The Movie.”
I wanted revenge,
To give Steve what was due,
So I said, “In twelve years
“They might make Jenga 2.”
Filed under Poems
Dreams
When the moon rises high
Over your sleeping body
And the night fairy carries out schemes
You cannot perceive
The world as it is
But instead you see into your dreams.
In dreams you’re a giant,
A wizard, a toaster,
A breakfast of bacon and eggs
And you fight with a demon
Who looks like your neighbor
Except for his seventy legs.
You dream of a princess
Named “Costco Potatoes”
Who sings about pudding and skin
And then you awake,
Completely forgetting
The fantasy world you were in.
Lost are the memories
Of worlds unimagined
Like socks, lyrics, birthdays, and names,
But you know you are dreaming
When someone is screaming
“Your mixtape is actually flames!”
Filed under Poems
My 2020 Endorsement
When I was a kid
I saw a film that changed my life
About a team of athletes
Who were suffering from strife.
They were not good at basketball
So they hired a dog to play.
If a dog can win a championship
Why not elect it, eh?
Filed under Poems
Extremely Forced Naughty Jokes Are Tight!
It might mean very different things
When I say to my girlfriend
“I still can’t understand you,”
Followed by: “Come again?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 