I can fart for fifteen seconds
With moist gurgles or without
And play almost two octaves
With my gaseous booty shout.
“That’s great,” said Mr. CEO
But they gave the job away
To somebody whose farts cannot
Be heard three miles away.
Tag Archives: Travesty
East Vs. West — Tea Edition
When you sit down in America
To have a cup of tea
You pull out your fine china
As if you aren’t the bourgeoisie.
Meanwhile, In China
Do they grab a fancy gun
And call it “fine america”?
‘Cause that’s sounds way more fun!
Filed under Poems
Where Mein Readers Aht?
As a blogger, it’s satisfying
When I get a notification
That says a lot of people are viewing my site
And I check on the location
And see three-hundred thirty-seven
Views from Germany
And I know that for some reason
The spambots have chosen me.
Filed under Poems
I Can Call Him Black, But If He Says It Back That Misogy-tea
I’m a little teapot, short and stout.
I’m looking for a kettle six-foot or thereabout
Who makes a hefty salary, and when I shout
He wins me over and takes me out.
Filed under Poems
What I Learned In English Class
Haiku poems are great
‘Cause teachers can’t judge you for
Minimal effort
Filed under Poems
Just 51 More Years To Effective Governance
Little do we know that Mr. Beast
Has been filming a new video
That he started in 1776
And here’s how it will go:
“I locked every good politician
“In a cage for 300 years
“And if they stay the whole time
“They’ll be recognized by their peers.”
Filed under Poems
And For Seven Days We Had 2005 Again…
“Revenge of the Sith” is the best-selling movie.
“Oblivion” is the most popular game
And I just hope the rest of this year
Keeps this week’s agenda the same.
Filed under Poems
Volume Also Increases In Proportion To Said Dumbness
The dumbness of a given thing
Is strongly correlated
With how late I am this morning
And how closely we’re related.
Filed under Poems
Mysteries of the Fairer Sex
My wife brought home ten pairs of shoes
Because she simply couldn’t choose
Between the heels, the pumps, the flats,
The mules, the boots, the this-and-thats,
The espadrilles, the gladiators,
So bought them all, saying “See you laters”.
I, on the other hand, am a guy
And really have to wonder why
She wants more than a couple pumps
To satisfy her lady lumps…
Filed under Poems
Abs for the Sedentary
There once was a gym teacher, Hank
Who I for one think we should thank.
He said, “Movement is bad
“And it makes me sad”
And so he invented the plank.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 