A mother’s like a brother
If a brother were a mom.
There’s no other to smother;
You’re her one and only “da bomb.”
She’s comfy and inviting
And onto her you do glom.
My mother made me write this
And I wish her much aplomb!
Tag Archives: True Story
Thanks George For Keeping Your Voice At a Reasonable Volume
My roommate eats six jars of peanut butter a month.
His girlfriend does not know what Koolaid is.
I now have proof of how low standards can get
And also of how low the rent I paid is.
Filed under Poems
Forever Mine
I’m not afraid to make it known
I want this more than you.
I want to find a partner
Who is loyal, kind, and true.
I only want to have one talk,
A talk that never ends,
And to be more than lovers:
To be two forever friends.
I want you to have my kids,
To raise, protect, and feed.
I want to be your every want
And fill your every need.
I want to text you memes at night,
House hunt with you on Zillow,
And when we are a world apart
To smell you on my pillow.
Tonight and every night from now
I’ll wish upon a star
And ask whatever gods may be
To show me who you are.
Until the stars or gods or fate
Fulfill this wish of mine
I’ll work to be the man you want
To call “Forever Mine.”
For Those Who Love To Laugh, Hiking, Traveling, And Food
We could’ve been a miracle
Like a bottle of lightning,
With ardor and passion
That bordered on frightening,
Two bits of a puzzle
That fate formed as one
Destined for fortune
And family and fun.
We could’ve been lovers
And best friends for life,
The textbook example
Of husband and wife.
You could’ve been my world,
My earth, sea, and sky,
If only your first message
Were more than just, “hi.”
Filed under Poems
Actual MCU Pitch Meeting, Featuring Greek Food
There one was a film about heroes
That didn’t gross quite enough zeroes.
Disney said, “Make it funny
“And we’ll make way more money,”
Then the CEO ordered some gyros.
Filed under Poems
So That Happened…
Yesterday, the internet
Decided to be rude
And with regards to a poem I wrote
The scheduling was eschewed.
The poem in question, “A Halfass Ballad”
Was supposed to be published today
But instead it published an hour before
I wrote it yesterday.
Apparently a time machine
Malfunctioned for a bit
And made the WordPress platform
Look like a load of… anyway
The point of this poem
Is I put effort and thought
Into “yesterday’s” poem
So today effort give I’ll not.
Seriously though… go read “A Halfass Ballad.” It may be the last good poem I publish for some time, as longtime readers are aware. And if you’re still reading this italicized footnote, obviously you have plenty of time on your hands so don’t say “But I just read today’s poem, so I can’t go back and read another one.” Because you can. Also, if you already read “A Halfass Ballad,” read it again because it’s more interesting than this. Seriously, why are you even still here? Love ya!
Filed under Poems
Quit Selling Drugs And Make REAL Money
If you’re a burglar
And want to do something bad
To an ex-CIA agent
Turned middle-class dad
I think you ought to
‘Cause although you’ll get killed
Hollywood will tell your story
And teen boys will be thrilled.
Filed under Poems
In 2022, Restaurants Will Be Segregated By “Coke Drinkers” and “Pepsi Drinkers” Because #SocialJustice
I use to think that crack cocaine
Was a terrible social ill,
Until the other type of Coke
Reclaimed the top of the hill
By training its employees
That they should be “less white.”
If folks buy crack then c’est la vie
But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.
Filed under Poems
That’s Almost As Many “Likes” As Teenagers Can Say In One Minute Without Even Trying
I’m 8 “Likes” away from 21,000
In the history of my blog.
My heart is very excited
And my soul is like a dog.
If 8 more people like my crap
I’ll finally achieve my goal
Of getting as many likes as a girl
Who posts dancing pics with a pole.
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
This Poem Will Be Featured Tonight On CNN
In the future we will have peace
Just so long as we silence everyone
Who says we’re like Nazis
Because Nazis lost
And losing is for people who work
And have independent thought.
Also, Jews hurt the economy.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 