There’s a satisfying “thump”
As a bunch of grapes you dump
Into a yellow plastic bucket
On a sunny afternoon.
There’s a feeling of achievement
When you cause a grape bereavement
Because you tore it from its vineyard
And it will be grape juice soon.
There’s a warmth that lingers on
Your neck until the dawn:
It’s a sunburn you predicted
But did nothing to prevent.
One of these lasts longer,
Is visible, and is stronger
And I’ll think about it next time
Before to picking I consent.
Filed under Poems
One of the benefits of being a poet
Is apparently you qualify
To go to a local high school
And coach (read “attempt to mollify”)
Some local pageant princesses
Who have to learn a speech
Because if you know English
You do not do; You teach!
Filed under Poems
So Tuesday night on ABC
Two candidates arrived
And competed for whose speeches
Sounded the least contrived.
Some faces asked them questions
Which neither deigned to answer.
It assured me of my decision:
That it’s time to vote for cancer.
Filed under Poems
Somehow we went from running
To avoid becoming a meal
To paying $50 to run
To express the way we feel.
Filed under Poems
The Gardens of Butchart are marvelous,
A sprawling Canadian eden
Where flowers abound over hillock and mound
And employees spend all their day’s weedin’.
The Gardens are themed geographically,
With Italian and Japanese spaces
And the gelato shop sold, for $8 a pop,
Icy treats to put smiles on faces.
Nearby was the Butterfly Garden
With bugs, birds, turtles, and more
And you could just sit as the butterflies flit
And the lizards abound on the floor.
Overall, ‘twas a wonderful venture
Into flora and fauna domestic.
If you find yourself in Victoria too
Both sites are grand and majestic.
Filed under Poems
Today I tried making sushi
And, in a way, it was a success…
I managed to put all the rice in a roll
And wrap it in bamboo and press.
The ingredients all fit together
And it tasted like sushi indeed.
The downside is it looked like Lizzo
Wrapped in very expensive seaweed.
Filed under Poems
Skagway has a choo-choo ride
Up through an icy pass.
My wife and I ate burgers there
‘Cause the cruise burgers were… fine.
There was a tram that led up to
Majestic mountains silver.
They also sold alpaca clothes
That cost so much they… fine?
We watched a film about the rush
For gold in Yukon lands.
The supply of actual gold to find
Far outweighed demand
And so a lot of horses died
(And sure, some humans too).
My wife got sick… I found a stick…
Did I mention the choo-choo?
Filed under Poems
We drove home today
People need to learn to drive
Terrible traffic
Filed under Poems
There once were olympics in Paris
Whose food service tends to embarrass.
They said “Earth’s getting hot!
“Eat le meat you will not
“But you’ll have un grande vue from the terrace.”
Filed under Poems
Some folks take vacations
To get away from work,
But for one young man employment
Was instead a travel perk.
He spent all seven cruising days
Inside an elevator.
His parents said he shouldn’t be,
But he surprised them later
By pulling out the wads of cash
(Not tips – donations, see?)
Gifted to him by cruisers
On the Ovation of the Sea.
We never learned his name,
Or why he chose vacation there.
We only knew his silly grin
And even sillier hair.
So here’s to you, cruise mullet kid
Who helped us get around!
Whenever you turn 21
We’ll all buy you a round.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 