Tag Archives: Truth

Not Racist, Just Comfy

I find it funny that those who fought

For an inclusive ideology

Now think that those with “normal” thoughts

Owe outsiders apologies,

That those who culturally kill their kind

Are morally superior

To those who really do not mind

If you’re black, a chick, or queerier,

That while we wear our pale skin

And external genitalia

If we don’t call these things a sin

Then somehow you think we failed ya.

But I’m content and keen to keep

My straight white male role.

My life I live, my crops I reap

In a neighborhood safe to stroll.

So if you wave your protest signs

They’ll not change how I see.

You will not find me cryin’

Because I know it’s fine to be me.

So please don’t give me an earful.

I’m happy being cheerful.

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Revenge

When you advocate

That slaves may chain tyrants,

That those who’re offended

May harm those who speak freely,

That hatred is evil

Unless evil you hate

Then forgive my cocked eyebrow

And my skeptical “really?”

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That’s All He Had Time For

Today we bury the body of Joe

Who lived to 108.

He read the terms and conditions

And thus he is “the late.”

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Well, It’s Skinny, White, And Smells Good (If That’s Your Type)

I think a dentist’s love

For dental floss is overstated.

I mean, sure, it cleans your teeth

But would you really want to date it?

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Unsatisfied with today’s love poem?

So was my last girlfriend.

Unlike her, you can inspire me to create something valuable and non-toxic by checking out my Patreon

Also Marvin, if you ever become a woman again, call me!

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I’ve Looked At Actual Books And Faces In The Meantime

Two weeks ago I left behind

A big part of my life…

And I don’t speak of small stuff

Like a job, a church, a wife…

I left behind the means by which

Most others at me look,

By which I mean the platform

That we know as the Facebook.

And since I stepped away from it

I noticed there’s a sky,

I haven’t heard “impeach Trump”

Nor been annoyed by those who try,

I haven’t argued even once

Or leered at female friends

And my days are nine hours longer

And I don’t care whom that offends.

My IQ’s jumped twelve points so far.

I may have lost some weight.

I talked a bit with strangers

At the bus’s boarding gate.

I went outside three times this week

And didn’t feel lame

And though some folks may still hate me

I don’t comment on their blame.

So overall un-pluggedness

(Or less-pluggedness if we’re honest)

Has made me ever happier,

Less pale, and a bit more modest.

Now instead of saying

“Here’s how my life should be”

To friends I haven’t seen in years

Now I can just be me!

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Except For Your Desire To Like And Follow This Blog… That’s A Healthy And Natural Desire

Release your expectations,

Let your preconceptions go,

And feel the endless universe

Again begin to flow

And the morons who surround you

And the stupid crap they say

Will be caught in freedom’s current

And finally wash away.

So give up on the must haves,

The shoulds, the oughts, the wants,

Ignore the could-be-betters

And the little human taunts.

Give up on perfection,

On how “great” looks in your mind

And you’ll find new satisfaction

On the blank slate left behind.

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Let’s Be Honest (Because Hallmark Isn’t)

I love you more than anything,

And if you were to change

Into an evil living-plastic moth

Or something equally strange,

Something ugly, something violent,

Something truly vile to touch

Then I want you to know

That I might not love you quite as much.

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On This Cats And I Agree

Humans are stupid,

But that’s not a poem.

This line is filler.

Humans are so dumb.

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Honestly, Get your Suffixes Straight!

If feminism means “go women”

And humanism means “people are good”

Then racism means “yay fast people,”

Or at least it should.

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College Life (AKA the Sin Inn)

When you give a kid a scholarship

To live away from home

Where kids are doing naughty stuff

The “scholar” says “when in Rome!”

And thus begins the dorm life,

Debauchery, and boozing,

Where pipes are not for water

And beds are not for snoozing,

Where you can study english,

Philosophy, or anthropology

But still spend evenings studying

The opposite sex’s biology.

Mom and Daddy pay for this,

So you can unguiltily be bad

And get a job at Wendy’s

While not getting shot by Wendy’s Dad.

All this pleasure comes to you

For only a few hundred K of loans,

So send your applications now!

(That or just play on your phones).

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