Who drove by a lemonade stand
And thought about it later
And decided, instead of lemons,
The -ade would be better with gators?
Tag Archives: Weird
Yet We Know All About Sea Cucumber Reproduction…
If you took the Bible
And replaced the words “Mommy, look!”
With “I like to eat babies”
You’d have the very same book.
The same can be said for “Croissant,”
And “Wherefore art thou Juliet.”
I find it quite surprising
No one’s written a thesis on this yet.
Filed under Poems
Bad Language?
Eye halve know aye Dia
Howe thoughs hoo dew knot no
How-to spellin’ English
Kant fig your it out, sew
Threw this Han dee poem
I salve Mai own dill Emma.
Hi expect, inn learning spannish
Their Will bee Noooooo! problema.
Filed under Poems
Risk vs. Reward?
If you met a murderous clown
When you’re out for a night on the town
And they bought you a drink
What do you think?
Should you take it or turn Snuggles down?
Filed under Poems
The Hippies Are Alive And Well
Sometimes I like to sit
And feel the wind between my toes,
To plant some seeds behind my ears
And see if something grows,
To boil a pot of water
Then cool it with my breath.
I call it “life with nature.”
Dad calls it “side-effects of meth.”
Filed under Poems
This Is Closer To Reality Than I’d Like (And Yes, Niche Does Rhyme With Itch)
Sometimes I wish I were an itch,
An itch that can’t be scratched
So I could bug the ugly thug
To whom you are attached.
Then when you were single
I would steal away your heart
And just like that eternal itch
We’d never be apart.
But eventually you’d hate me
And the scratching I’d inspire
And you’d dump me for some other jerk
Of whom you would soon tire
Then I would swoop back to you,
Your faithful little itch
And maybe this time you won’t dump me?
What do you mean my fetish is niche…
Filed under Poems
I Want To Be A Journalist Now
Some folks say women and men.
Some say females and males.
I say:
Some lives have a destination.
Some lives are about the journey.
Some people like kisses.
Some people prefer hugs.
Some are busy writing:
Toes
There aren’t very many
Who do not have any.
There’s a few who have fewer than ten.
But if you meet the ten-plussers
Who seem proud and aren’t fussers
They are almost certainly men.
Filed under Poems
Perhaps It’s Good Not To Remember Your Dreams
“Cyber chickens do not deserve Yolanda”
Was the first thought to pop into my head
When I sat down to write today’s poem
After exiting my way-too-comfy bed.
I don’t know the meaning of that musing
And likely it has no meaning at all
But if you are Yolanda do not settle
For a cyber chicken who isn’t on the ball.
Filed under Poems
BTW I’m Not Jewish
She lay beside me
Still in her white dress.
My mouth was alight in her taste.
Her skin was like russet.
Her body was slender
From tip-to-tip, straight in the waist.
She was my fantasy,
Food on my table,
Sustaining me all through the day.
So although it is weird
To put a dress on bacon
I do it ’cause she is my bae.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 