There once was a young christmas tree
Who saw mom and dad chopped by me.
It stands still for now,
But someday, somehow
It will run fresh out of mercy…
Category Archives: Poems
The Intimacy Of Distance
Sometimes to be yourself it seems
A friend just will not do,
For one may fear a friend will know
About the real you.
And so when one must tell the truth
With all its hidden dangers
One turns to find one’s solace
In the waiting ears of strangers.
And yet in sharing what you are
With someone you don’t know,
In starting with the basic stuff
And moving far too slow
You find that what you hoped for
Is alive and omnipresent
And that a world that judged you
Now appears… could it be pleasant?
Did you see the sun came out
And know that fruit is sweet
And music’s free for everyone
And smiles fill the street?
Sometimes just to be yourself
Needs strength you do not feel
So thank God for the strangers
And the ways they help us heal.
Filed under Poems
More Inspiring Covid Stories
I used to dress in a suit and tie
And drive off to my job
Creating animated models
For my supervisor, Rob.
One day, Rob pulled me aside
And said, “Work from home, dude.”
I’m still an animator
But now I model nude.
Filed under Poems
Was It A Typo Though?
Turns out makin’ music doesn’t mean makin’ money.
That was no news to me, but was news to my honey.
When a man gets poor it’ll do something funny
To almost all the female ears!
When the cashflow slows in the time that you date ‘er
Like the tempo that jazz plays in the elevator
Then don’t be surprised, and do anticipate ‘er
Not boppin’ you for quite a few years!
Yeah, I do remember the times in the twenties
When a man could bop all night long,
But come year ’30 we ain’t playin’ too dirty
And a depression is comin’ on strong!
I’m no type of teacher, but you oughta be knowin’
Where this job playin’ jazzes is probably goin’…
Come late at night you’ll be the only one blowin’.
Sorry bro, but them is the fac’s.
Better practice your ‘prov and practice your scales, especially for playin’ the blues…
Between big simple cash and a big cymbal crash you know what a woman will choose…
The little metals guys who hold your keys in place will be the only thing that she screws…
That’s life when she’s withholding the sax!
Filed under Poems
When Her Eyes Met Mine
My eyes are sort of brownish
Like a car that no one bought,
But there’s a girl I see in class
Whose eyes I like a lot;
They’re greener than a vegan’s lawn
And bright as stars above,
And when I look into their depths
I fall deeper in love.
I asked a dear old friend of mine
How I can show I care.
He told me to make eye contact
And all would flow from there,
And so I took my glasses off
And walked up, feeling fine
And took her head into my hands
And pressed her eyes to mine.
Well I can’t say I had success…
Can’t say it helped my vision…
All I can say’s my friend’s advice
Got me locked up in prison.
But on a side almost as bright
As her eyes’ emerald hue
She said a lot of words to me
And that’s a dream come true!
A Most Violet Shanty (Not A Typo)
Legend says upon the sea
Beneath the skull and bones
A tiny man with whose skin is tan
With a beard of violet tones
Command a stalwart legion
Or pirates, hard as granite
Who seek to steal from those in teal,
Themselves in pomegranate.
There’s never been a pirate captain
So dreaded to be seen
As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man
Called Captain Aubergine…
Some once called him a dandy man
And some called him a fop,
And that soon lead to many a head
Who’s rollings’ are yet to stop.
And there he’ll stand with sword in hand
And beard the brightest plum
And calls the rat to ladies that
For booty he had come!
There’s never been a pirate captain
So dreaded to be seen
As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man
Called Captain Aubergine…
When on the seas, the frigates fled
When purple sails were seen
For not a sailor, cook, or whaler
Fights with Aubergine.
They knew beneath that gold fedora
A brutal brain belongs,
But none escape pillage and rape
Nor his K-Pop pirate songs!
There’s never been a pirate captain
So dreaded to be seen
As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man
Called Captain Aubergine…
And when the Violet Virgin docked
(As the captain’s ship was called)
The folks in port were naught but sport
For the pirates so ribald.
They stole the bread and beans and rice
And even the polenta,
For nothing stops the pirate fops
Bedecked in their magenta!
There’s never been a pirate captain
So dreaded to be seen
As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man
Called Captain Aubergine…
‘Til finally one fateful night
‘Neath a sunset, heliotrope
A treasure trove in vibrant mauve
With scalawags did elope
And Aubergine was satisfied
And sailed off, drinking wine
To somewhere worse, where grass is perse
And the sky’s amaranthine!
There’s never been a pirate captain
So dreaded to be seen
As the hook’ed hand of the crooked man
Called Captain Aubergine…
At least that’s how the tale’s told now
Of Captain Aubergine…
Your Nostalgia Is Complete
I read someone’s list
Of their favorite childhood movies…
The Lion King, Bambi… those types.
If you are its creator
I want to remind you
Of the Microsoft screensaver pipes.
Filed under Poems
Teaching Addition In The Inner City
“Mathematics is the study
“Of revenge,” I said to Steven.
“Five and three are at odds,
“But together they got even.”
Filed under Poems
They Don’t Call It “Premium” For Nothing
Today I give thanks
For 93-octane gas…
The kind that nobody buys;
It just sits in tanks
While people say “pass,”
But remains both potent and wise.
Filed under Poems
Shut Up, It’s A Valid Question!
Nine out of ten people agree
A zombie apocalypse would be bad,
And yet there are folks you will see
Who think such a plague is rad.
What I really want to know
Is whether those with necrophilia
Would be more or less turned on
By moving corpses that can kill ya…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 