I used a hand dryer
In the public restroom
After I went to the beach.
I expected it
To dry my hands,
But it delivered a political speech.
Category Archives: Poems
Happy Election Day!
Today, America extends a query
To test the ever-popular theory
And forever end the debate
About whether love is stronger than hate.
We’re given two men with no virtues to note
And told it’s important to go out and vote.
One choice is to vote that you love Barron’s dad,
Or else just to vote that you think “Orange Man Bad.”
As for the white guy who’ll earn half the votes
Who creeps people out and has quotable quotes…
One guy will win, half the nation will cry,
And celebrities still won’t move to Canada… sigh.
Filed under Poems
And Yet We Keep Voting For Them…
Politicians are like a bag of chips
That appear to be mostly air
But then they take the chips away
And say “You’re healthy now. See? I care!”
Filed under Poems
It’s A Valid Question!
I’m no longer a member
Of the anime club
Because I asked Mr. Bushi
Whether Japanese mermaids
Would feel conflicted
If someone asked them to eat sushi.
Filed under Poems
Deshaun Recalls His Scholastic Endeavors
I didn’t learn much at public school
But I remember the important stuff
Like “Everything in the world is free
“If you can run fast enough.”
Filed under Poems
Dr. Seuss Writes An Adult Book
All the Whos down in Whoville
Liked warm beds a lot,
But the Grinch north of Whoville
Had but one lukewarm cot.
For a while he was fine,
Sleeping without a care
‘Til he saw Roxxi Whooter
Whose “whos” just weren’t fair.
The Grinch called to Roxxi,
“Yoohoo, you Who! Who
“Are you?” And she answered
“Just the right Who for you.”
And so the two sidled
From the town to the cranny
Where the Grinch made his home.
On his mind? Hootenanny!
At first he was nervous,
But the Grinch got it going
When what once was hidden
Was suddenly showing.
His heart grew six sizes
But that wasn’t all,
For the Grinch had Thing One
And Thing Two, neither small…
A while shortly passed.
After that, one while more…
Not a Who down in Whoville
Got much sleep, that’s for sure.
What had been merely good
Seemed to now be fantastic
Until Roxxi Who asked,
“Will that be cash or plastic?”
Thus went Grinch’s money
And the Grinch’s six sizes.
To the real Dr. Seuss:
This poet apologizes.
Filed under Poems
Worth The Price
In a world where being smart
Will make you mistrusted,
Where telling the truth
Makes one seem maladjusted,
Where showing compassion
Invites social scorn,
Where condemned are the happy
And praised the forlorn,
Where the vicious are wealthy
And the meek can’t inherit,
Where you’re judged by one’s look
And not by one’s merit,
I hope you’re condemned
To what’s nearly infinite
So when the world becomes worthy
You’ll still fit within it.
Filed under Poems
Pillow Talk
She told me I was childish,
Young and immature
With some form of exuberance
For which there is no cure.
I took a breath and looked at her
And offered my retort:
“Let’s have this conversation
“Somewhere other than my fort.”
Filed under Poems
Black Humor?
Leo asked, “Would you like to eat African food?”
We voted, and most voted, “Yea.”
Having said yes, Leo said, “Then I guess
“You and Africans feel the same way.”
Filed under Poems
Why Hitler Is The Silver-Medalist of Evil
The inventor of homework they tell is
A guy named Roberto Nevelis.
I don’t know about you,
But sounds like a guy who
Will experience firsthand what Hell is…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 