“A picture’s worth a thousand words”
Said Arthur Norman Kuntz.
“Thus, women speak in imagery
“And speak mostly grunts.”
Category Archives: Poems
Eau Know! Knot Yew Two!
There once was a fellow from Prague
Who went for a leisurely jague.
He ran for a while
With a big happy smhile
But, alas, he fell into a bague.
Filed under Poems
Happy Black History Month
They’re always making movies
About how white culture sucks
‘Cause “white folks are all racist”
And therefor are sitting ducks
To being cast as villains
In movies about the first
All black [insert niche hobby] group.
Isn’t that just the worst?
So I want to make a movie
Set in ye olde Babylon
About the first non-Jewish folks
God didn’t inflict pain on,
Or how about the first straight white guy
Who stayed home to raise his kid
And all the crazy backlash
About the stuff that one guy did?
I’d even take, at this point,
A commercial for insurance
Where a man is dumb and so’s his wife
And you can make your own inference.
And maybe if we all work hard
We’ll live to see the day
That a white guy is selected
To be in the NBA.
Filed under Poems
Some Truths Are Harder To Accept
Roses are red.
The worst sport is soccer.
Biden’s the pres’
Just like Rey’s a Skywalker.
Filed under Poems
Sheer Will Can Only Go So Far
Tonight I have no topics
To write a poem about…
But will that stop me? Never!
I’m shocked you’d ever doubt!
No force of man or nature
Can stop me writing junk.
As big tech corporations say:
“It’s a feature, not a funk.”
In fact, when I’m inspired
I might settle for one stanza
About something that sounds funny
Like Swaziland or Lufthansa.
But today, despite my lack
Of anything resembling a point
I wrote a lengthy poem
And if you don’t like it, suck my groint.
Filed under Poems
It May Happen Sooner Though…
Last time we were in the ’20s
People bought some stocks
And prices kept on rising
Until people lost their socks.
This time in the ’20s
The rich folks lost their cash
And anyone without five masks
Is summarily burnt to ash.
My guess is when the year becomes
2120
The dinosaurs will buy stocks too
And asteroids will say “hee hee!”
Filed under Poems
Perchance to Dream
She was a girl too much alive for breathing,
Not more than an imaginary friend.
She met a man resentful of existence
For not obeying his command to bend.
She traded skins one hour in an evening
To walk among the mortals so beneath her
While the uncreative man whose shell she conquered
Took a stroll among the heavens, robed in ether.
The woman learned the pain of being solid
And how the road at night can smell of pine.
The man learned how to be imaginary
And why a drop of sunlight chose to shine.
And when the 60 minutes finished ticking
On a clock men made to solve the question, “when?”
The woman disappeared again forever
And the man awoke to be himself again.
Filed under Poems
E I E Ya Know?
Why are classic songs just like,
“Songs just like,
“Songs just like?”
Why are classic songs just like
Repetitive and s**t?
Filed under Poems
You Can’t Do It Alone
He found the perfect woman
And he bought the perfect ring
And he planned a perfect marriage
For a perfect queen and king.
Together in the gardens
He knelt and asked, “Would you…?”
And she took a knee beside him
And they silently protested racial injustice in sports.
Filed under Poems
Baby Fat
They made a bigger, safer playground
For the children at the school
And the big kids and the babies
Both agree it’s pretty cool,
And the makers cash their checks
For saving kids from pain
And the parents who know better
See the baby fat remain.
They made a kinder, gentler college
For the kids of yesteryear
Where thinking is discouraged
Because it sometimes causes fear
And the makers plan the lessons
And the students love their chains
And the thinkers keep their distance
And the baby fat remains.
They made predictable excitements
For the prisoners of money
And the watchers and the buyers
Say “That’s scary,” or “That’s funny,”
And the makers give themselves awards
For cutting with the grain
And the living have walked out
Because the baby fat remains.
They gave us safer deadly toxins
And harder automatic wins
And a tolerant sort of hatred
And more pleasant deadly sins.
The makers smile, their strategy
Entirely on track
Because the folks who have the baby fat
Are folks who don’t fight back.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 