Category Archives: Poems

November 16, 2020 · 4:32 pm

Who Sang It Better?

I saw an advertisement

While mountain-climbing with my baby.

She asked, “Should we remove it?”

And I replied with, “Maybe.”

So up we climbed, so happy

And the snow made us reflective,

Until we turned around and looked

With our lenses-corrective

At what we later learned

Was a mass of falling soil

Which depressed me, for I knew my life

Was little more than toil.

In hindsight, I took my love

And I took ad down,

Climbed a mountain

And turned around,

I saw my reflection in a snow covered hill

‘Til a landslide brought me down.

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November 15, 2020 · 11:46 am

What Being The Coolest Kid In 3rd Grade Sounds Like

Go-Gurt is yogurt

That’s put in a sleeve.

Here’s a tube of “Away Bro…”

Now why don’t you leave?

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November 14, 2020 · 5:46 pm

Criminal Justice 101

For those who aren’t aware,

Jail and prison are not the same.

To help remember which is which

You can play this little game:

If you piss off any cop

You’ll go to a jail cell.

If you’re either poor or black

You’ll go to prison as well.

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November 13, 2020 · 11:33 am

9/10 University Professors Think This Acronym Is Invalid…

If you’re like me and I’m like you

You hear a lot about LGBTQ,

Perhaps even about BIPOC,

But never about SPWCOV.

Now it’s important to tolerate

Those who are gay, lesbian, trans,

And those who are bisexual

And whatever it is for which “Q” stands,

It’s important to have empathy

And remember the plights

Of those who are indigenous

And all the other non-whites,

And women deserve a mention

So the feminists can’t fine us…

But what about the Straight People

Without Color Or Vaginas?

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November 12, 2020 · 6:51 pm

…That Was When Elon Musk Got A New Idea…

Some fear that robots will steal our jobs

But that’s not the future I see…

After all, what robot has the power

To turn any liquid into pee?

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November 11, 2020 · 7:08 pm

On Vehicular Abuse

On behalf of all the tires kicked,

The roofs slapped, the bumpers knicked,

The cars entered without consent

And sold by men with ill intent:

We confess that in the past

We used you and we moved too fast,

Judged you by color and age

And failed to pay you any wage.

Forgive we ask, and hear our pleas

To cars and trucks and SUVs,

And with your help we make this vow:

With you, we’ll go the right way now.

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November 10, 2020 · 10:45 pm

Exercise in the Park

I asked, “Jerry, how do I

“Improve my upper body strength?”

He said, “A bench press

“Is a good place to start, Mark.”

I thought of his advice

And pondered it at length,

Then I grabbed my iron

And went to the city park.

I told the people and the pigeons

That they must depart,

Then I pressed into that bench

Until the steam had all but ceased.

I still have a weak torso

But Jerry said that it’s a start,

And even so I must admit

The bench looks better creased.

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November 9, 2020 · 7:09 pm

Then Read the Tags

If you think that everything

You see on the news is true,

Pick a number from 1-10…

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November 8, 2020 · 4:51 pm

If America Were A Game

Hey there Trump

And hey there Biden!

Joe will be seekin’

And Don will be hidin’.

Don tuns away

And Joe starts to count…

“One, two, three-hundred-thousand

“Or something… an amount.

“Ready or not,

“Here I come.”

OMG, Don’s not hidden…

He must be dumb.

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November 7, 2020 · 6:35 pm

Religious Freedom

The guy at the church said,

“Convert to Christianity!”

The scientologist said,

“Convert to out insanity!”

The LDS guy said, “Convert

“Also, I’m Elder Jeff.”

Microsoft word told me,

“Just convert to .PDF”

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