Be me on the ocean
On my early morning jaunt
And I’m greeted on the stairway
By a chocolate croissant.
It’s sitting on a marble step,
Uneaten, undisturbed,
And it greets me silently,
Melty and unperturbed.
Part of me is hungry
And would gladly pick it up
But my wife holds my left hand
And my right hand holds a cup.
Instead I bend my pelvis
And my knees caress the floor
And in one delicious moment
The croissant is no more.
Filed under Poems
There once was a poet (that’s me)
Who’s vacationing tomorrow at sea.
I’ll be gone a week, and lack
Internet access (Alack!)
So I won’t publish for a while. Sorry!
Filed under Poems
I signed up for a credit card
And I’m going to be rich.
See, the card has special privileges
That’s almost like a glitch:
Every time you spend with it
You get a hundred loyalty bucks
That you can trade for fancy stuff
Like jewelry or Chucks.
Update: It’s been seven months.
I have a billion bucks, and I
Am being tracked by debt collectors
And I need to cry.
It turns out that a billion bucks
Translates to about a dime
And there’s something called an “interest”
That grows a lot with time.
Update: Now my stuff is gone
And I live on the street
With somebody named “Pickle Jim”
And also “Fentanyl Pete.”
I guess the whole “free money” thing
Made me spend a bit too hard
But at least I could exchange my points
For a Visa prepaid card!
Filed under Poems
I think instead of IMDB
Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews
We just need a site to completely compile
Liberal white women’s reviews.
Then you can see which films don’t appeal
To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.
That would inform me much more directly
If a film will be funny or no.
Filed under Poems
We have so many electric guitars
And so many chimps in the zoo
And yet humankind
Has not had the mind
To try out combining the two…
Filed under Poems
If I ever try to be president
I’ll be a republican household name
Because if the other sise doesn’t like me
They don’t know how to aim.
Filed under Poems
Today I ran a 5K race
And lost at pickleball
So my writing motivation
Is hovering around “none at all.”
Filed under Poems
I’m sensing some commonplace themes
That is fear of fascist regimes
Where government’s shrinking
And people start thinking
And grocery receipts don’t cause screams
Filed under Poems
To the girl with funny yellow shoes
And the deaf guy who would sign the blues:
I hope you never have to choose
Between yourself and “normal.”
To the folks who love their face tattoos
And the ones who never drink the booze:
I hope you never, ever lose
Conviction just to be formal.
To the historians and dreamers,
The philosophers and schemers,
The poets and the memers
And the “just-plain-downright-odd”s:
I hope you never lose the spark
To make a name or leave a mark
Because few of us can parallel park
And fewer still are gods.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 