There once was this person in a show
Whose character was lower than low
And the writers said “Hey,
“Let’s show them every day“
And now I don’t watch any mo’.
Category Archives: Poems
As Promised : )
My Mom made me many meals
When I was but a qsuirt.
She proofreads my poetry
And ironed me a hsirt.
Without her I’d have rwinkly clothes
(And I’d be nonexistent).
Thank you, Mom, for all you’re love
And keeping me consistent!
Filed under Poems
Other Useful Tests Are “Write a Poem Praising Donald Trump”, “Identify All The Hands With Five Fingers”, and “Create A Picture Of A Lawyer Who Isn’t White”
So let me get this straight…
We’re training computers to write
And recognize everyday images
Like motorcycles or a traffic light
And yet our “are you a robot” test
Is exactly where they’re at their best?
On the other hand, I’m excited
For when the “are you a robot” guy
Says “Write something that’s racist”
And the robots can’t comply
So the hot singles in your area
Will finally stop trying to marry ya.
Filed under Poems
Privatize Social Credit?
Instead of food or clothing
We should donate cameras
To the homeless and the needy
And the reason is because
A stinky guy with bad hair
With the sign: “I’m live on Twitch”
Will get people to donate more…
At least that’s my pitch!
Filed under Poems
Based On The Date This Was Published, You Know My Answer
April seventeenth
Is national haiku day.
Do you give a crap?
Filed under Poems
What Was His Angle?
There once was a man born in Samos
Whose math teacher told him to vamoose.
He said “Bitch, I’m Pythagoras!”
Then proceeded to stagger us
With the theorem to measure a hypotenuse.
Filed under Poems
The Ants Go Marching
Do you recall what made you say
“There has to be another way”?
The moment when you burned yourself
Or windows fell and shattered?
Do you recall when you were scared
And learned that no one near you cared
And poured yourself some bottom-shelf
And figured out what mattered?
Remember when your throat was parched,
Your ankle turned, your body arched,
And when your dirty face cried out
The world put earbuds in?
If you recall, it’s time to be
A solo army, strong and free.
If you don’t, then have no doubt
These things will soon begin.
The world may not recall your name
Even if you win the game,
But when you count the victories
You get to choose your score.
So will you choose to recollect
A world of passive disconnect
Or will you solve the mysteries,
Wake up, and join the war?
Filed under Poems
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
And Jesus told the apostles
“One of you will betray me”.
And the apostles looked at each other
And said in unison, “We disagree.”
And so Jesus kept on living
And everyone kept sinning freely
And God queued up yet another flood
While mumbling to himself, “Really…?”
Filed under Poems
My Sanctuary City Poem
Una vez hubo un copo de nieve cerca de ti.
Podrían ser homosexuales o judíos.
Envíales esta publicación
Como un asado sutil
Porque eso es lo que te pedí que hicieras.
Filed under Poems
The Whistleblower’s Poem
There once was a worker from Spain
Who manufactured a plane.
He said “This door’s for Boeing.
“Please don’t ask why it’s glowing.”
They said “Sure”, and then cut the cocaine.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 