Category Archives: Poems

November 24, 2023 · 6:28 pm

Remember Our Common Enemy!

‘Twas the night before… wait!

It’s not even December!

But apparently networks

Just never remember

That the time for the snowflakes

And Santa and carols

Can wait for the Winter

And family perils.

For now, I commend those

Who’re still round from turkey.

The fate of the others

Is much, much more murky.

But as we hear songs

In the stores and the stations

We endure in our silence

And summon our patience

For a time will come soon

When the jewelry ads play

And we’ll all long for Christmas,

Not Valentine’s day.

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November 23, 2023 · 3:36 pm

This Is Actually True, By The Way!

Today I’m thankful for low standards,

Two-line poems, and also band nerds.

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November 22, 2023 · 12:27 pm

Stay

You’ve gotta go

To go see a show

That a small town like me can’t provide.

You’ve dreamed of a start

That’s a lifetime apart

From how I make you feel inside.

Your castle awaits

Where a panel of fates

Wants to hear of your fall fashion line.

I’ll help with your coat

And row over the moat

All while insisting I’m fine.

When you came along

And we started our song

We both knew one day it would end.

I dreamed of five-one

But you dreamed of more fun

So I tell people you’re just a friend.

I hope your sunsets

Are as good as it gets

And your kingdom will kneel and bow

While at the same time

It feels like a crime

That I want to say “stay” anyhow.

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November 21, 2023 · 9:25 pm

Your Nightly 90’s Nostalgia

There once was a hand made of goo

That up at the ceiling you threw.

Then it would go “plop”

And eventually drop

And then you’d repeat that. Woo hoo!

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November 20, 2023 · 8:32 pm

Getting Dressed

There once was a skirt from Jerusalem

That wanted to grow its vertical some.

It tried adding a shirt

But it turns out the skirt

Might have needed a dress rehearsal., hm?

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November 19, 2023 · 7:00 pm

Seriously Seattle?

There once was a Seattle bird team

Who fought a sports battle upstream.

Alas, the sheep rallied

While the birds dilly-dallied

And now they’re an NFL meme.

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November 18, 2023 · 6:39 pm

Watching The News

I, for one, am grateful

That 24 hours a day

I can turn a TV on

And learn I’m not ok

‘Cause someone in another state

Is angry and insisted

That the government fix an issue

That I didn’t know existed.

I’m glad I can be angry

On demand, and also wary

Now that I know a deadly thing

Is affirmed as “very scary”.

I’m also glad these stations

Are translated totally free

To whatever political language

Is most offensive to me!

We’re lucky seven corporations

Tell us the woes of corporate greed

While insuring that we’re well-informed

About what brand-name crap we need.

Anyway, I’m done complaining!

Now excuse me as I go

To learn about the trans kids

Swimming here from Mexico.

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November 17, 2023 · 8:26 pm

Pussy On The Web?

True story: I work remotely

And at my meeting today

My cat jumped up onto my lap

And looked at me, then lay

Belly-up and legs upwards

To show the world his… that

So anyway, I texted my wife

To tell her about our porno cat.

But after a good laugh

At kitty’s lack of inhibition

I said something I shouldn’t have

While Alexa sat to listen:

I made a joke about “kitty porn”

But pronounced the T’s as “D”.

Please know that’s why I disappeared

If big brother comes for me.

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November 16, 2023 · 6:44 pm

Three Strikes? You’re In!

I tried out for the baseball team

And struck out three times in a row.

Then I went to the bar for a bit

And struck out with somebody’s hoe.

I may not be a first baseman

Nor a lady’s man, but I won’t cry.

Sometimes the universe just has to say

“Why don’t you give bowling a try?”

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November 15, 2023 · 8:47 pm

Now THAT Is A Great Value

This ten minute break

Isn’t long enough to write

More than a Haiku.

But I’m not an ass!

I’ll reward you with not one

Haiku, but with two!

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