He is Zeus.
She is Maude.
He becomes moose.
New demigod.
‘Fro Zen
The snow glows white in Chicago tonight.
Not a footprint to be found.
A kingdom of isolation
And my car’s in the impound.
The wind was howling and my tank was running low.
Sure, my parking place may have been yellow…
I won’t give in, Mitsubishi,
I’ll be the badass the streets demand I be.
Conceal, don’t feel, just pay the fee
Mirage LE…
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold my ride anymore
Let it go, let it go
Give me keys, unlock the door.
I don’t care what they’re going to say
So a hydrant’s blocked?
The fires never bothered me anyway.
It’s funny how Chi-town’s police force can be so white and small
And the laws that once controlled me can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
The ticket’s free!
Let it go, let it go
I will hop in my car and drive
Let it go, let it go
You won’t take me alive
Stamp the gas and I’ll peel away
Let the storm rage on
My drive train puts me through the air then to the ground
My wheels are spiraling on f***ing black ice all around
And one thought rises as I almost crap my pants…
Extended warranty… I really missed my chance!
Let it go, let it go
As I careen across some dude’s lawn
Let it go, let it go
Now I think my bumper’s gone
As they read my rights I know I’m ok…
I’ll get community service
As long as I mention I’m black and gay.
Filed under Poems
Mrs. Doubtfire, Or Your Girl’s High School Sports Team?
There once was a comedy movie
About a guy who loved kids, and for proof he
Dressed up like a girl
And changed some kid’s world
And everyone said that it’s groovy.
Filed under Poems
When You’ve Had Enough Of These Idiots, But You’re In The Middle Of A Raid
Some call it soda.
Some call it pop.
Some call it cola.
I tell them to stop.
They call me a downer,
A prophet of doom
So I logged off my game
And I left my room.
Filed under Poems
Past, No Presents, And Eternity
The saddest nights in history
Are probably the fall of Rome,
The night you watch the start of “Up”,
And when Santa worked from home.
Filed under Poems
Pope Or Pookums… Choose Wisely
When old ladies are lonely
And they need some warmth and love
They have a pair of choices:
They can seek help from above
Or they can buy a bunch of cats.
Whichever one they pick
Usually results in them
Becoming a catholic.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than Modern Pop
Yesterday
All my motivation went away
Now I’m writing you this poem today,
A parody
Of yesterday.
Filed under Poems
A Brain Teaser
If you’re thinking too much
About overthinking
Then I think that you think
That your thinking is sinking
Your chance to think straight
And straight thoughts slink away
And by thinking of slinking
You’ll think of a way
To link up your thinking
And think slinking thoughts
‘Til you out-think the thinkers,
Both humans and bots.
If you understand this
Your thinking is zen,
But if you think you’re done thinking
Then you’d best think again.
Filed under Poems
A Potion For Happiness
Start with a cold cup of water
With an ice cube or two to be sure,
Then pour in some lemon and iodine
And crack in an egg, raw and pure.
Whisk it with vigor and emphasis
Then plop in a gobbet of spit.
Your potion is done! Now go find someone,
And into their face you toss it!
Filed under Poems
What? You’re Not Immediately Buying My Books? I Guess The Stock Music And Multiracial Couples From The TV Do Something After All…
There once was a guy and his dog
And they read limericks on a blog.
Now he’s married to a hotty
And he drives a bugatti
And he owns a sweet mansion in Prague.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 