Some days I stay up too late…
Like right now. (It’s 11:38)
Thanks to my late bedtimes
I’ve kept up with daily rhymes
And not yet inspired your hate.
Tag Archives: Bad
Close Calls and My Unintentional Confession That I’m A Wimp Who Doesn’t Know What “Staying Up Late” Means
Filed under Poems
The Problem With Seeing Eye Dogs
My puppy seemed a little lax
So I whipped out his leash and snacks
And hooked him up and took a run
Down past Forever 21.
The air was crisp with breaking dawn.
We passed some neighbors looking on
And heads came out of every door
To see my puppy, lax no more.
We passed the diner and laundromat.
We passed gas stations (and giggled at that).
We jogged the park and strolled the street
To get my pup to pickup his feet.
I took my puppy for a walk
Around and round a city block
And all the while people said
“You’re sick, you freak! Your dog is dead!”
But we got home all safe and sound
And I unleashed my weary hound
And scratched good boy behind his ears
And then he napped for 15 years.
Filed under Poems
Oregon Love (Or Why you Shouldn’t Settle For The First Pretty Face)
Her eyes were blue as Crater Lake,
Her breasts were like Mount Hood.
Her hair fell like Multnomah Falls
And all these things were good.
I held her hand and felt as big
And strong as Haystack Rock
Until my wife came home that night
And smacked me with her cock.
Filed under Poems
When Friends Need To Vent
If you feel empty inside
Just take away the “E”
And you can feel mpty instead.
Or, alternatively
Take away the “Y”
And feel emp-t (and misled).
If you take away
The “E,” “P,” and “Y”
You feel mt, and that’s fine.
But if you say nothing
Your words won’t be empty
And we won’t have to hear you whine.
Filed under Poems
How To Politely Decline An Invitation To Dinner
Some people like chicken,
Some people like pork,
Some people like tofu
Impaled on their fork.
Some people like rabbit,
Some people like goat,
But no one likes you
And that’s all she wrote.
Filed under Poems
Oh Yeah, I Went There
Life gave one guy lemons
And life gave the next guy a kid.
The first guy made some lemonade.
You don’t wanna know what the second guy did…
Filed under Poems
When You’ve Only Written Crappy Four-Line Poems For A Week But You’re Still Not Inspired…
Vegans are the greatest photographers
The world has ever seen
Because instead of saying “Cheese”
They say “Emulsified Pea Protein.”
Filed under Poems
I’m Just Gonna Let This Hang Here…
Swords have cross-guards,
Hammers have heads,
And NFL cornerbacks
Often have dreads.
Movies have releases
And novels have printin’s,
But why can’t Taylor Swift
Have some dirt on the Clintons?
Filed under Poems
When You’re Not Sure Who To Offend…
At the 5K Run for white power
People called me “Hitler” to my face.
I disagreed with them, explaining
“Unlike Hitler, I can finish a race.”
Filed under Poems
Bless Me Son, For I Done Sinned
A while ago I wrote a poem
About how to be your own son.
Recently, through Jesus,
I wrote another one:
If you are a grandfather
Of your son’s male offspring
I’m happy to report that you
Can do an exciting thing…
If your son joins the clergy
As a Presbyterian
And you go to his church
Your grandkid is your Father’s son.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 