If you ever meet a cannibal
And it wants to eat your flesh
And you want to look less finger-lickin’ good
Then scream and cry and wail
‘Cause cannibals don’t like
The taste of chicken. Are we understood?
Tag Archives: Bad
You Pull Me Down (The Alcohol Song)
When my body is strong
And my conscience is clean,
When troubles flee
And there’s no pain to be seen
Then I sip you
And fade into the white noise
Until the darkness comes
And has its way with me.
You pull me down
So I can walk on water.
You pull me down
To kiss a killer bee.
I am loud
And damp and have a bee sting.
You pull me down
And show the real me.
Then I awake
And find my house is tattered,
My lampshade’s gone
And so’s my front door key
And on my arm
My blood says “Margueritte wuz here.”
I don’t know her
But I guess she knew me.
Filed under Poems
On Acceptable Mediocrity And Busy Schedules
When one cannot find the time
To come up with a clever rhyme
Or twist to end a bit of verse
One may perchance become terse.
One may then search and one may find
That a lousy poem they don’t mind,
That stuff can be bad yet still okay
And that’s the tale of my poem today!
Filed under Poems
Elton John Meets Dumbo
I’ve always been an ally
To animals and butterflies,
So I wanted to play piano
For the beasts. Never did I surmise
That tickling the ivories
Would, in fact, lead to my demise.
I thought it would be cute,
But the elephant thought otherwise.
Filed under Poems
I’m Only A Little Salty About This Guest Poem by Katrina Ivers
Because you are a chemical
You don’t wear a size nine shoe
But you are so oft-forgotten
No one knows that but you.
We all worry so darn much about
Your friend Sodium’s consumption
We think you aren’t an important part
And that’s an erroneous assumption!
Why Sodium all on her own
Is a terribly temperamental sort
Prone to explosions when meeting water
So her friend Chloride we should court.
Alas most people barely passed
Their college chemistry classes
So by ignoring Chloride, friends,
We risk the explosion of our asses.
Are you bad enough to be a guest poet? Email me your work to find out! TheDailyTravesty@yahoo.com
Filed under Poems
And Don’t Even Get Me Started On The Necking…
If I were a turtle
I would be more fertile.
I’d have more girl turtles to court.
Also nothing but fertile
Rhymes well with turtle
And turtles don’t care if you’re short.
Filed under Poems
Still Want Super Powers?
Super strength at tea parties,
Super speed in bed,
Shoot lasers from your eyes
Whenever you say “I thee wed,”
Flight while on an airplane,
Access to Betamax knowledge,
Or being a straight white male
But only when applying to college.
Filed under Poems
This One’s For All The First Graders (And Middle Schoolers)
There are things I’ll never knew
‘Cause I’ll will not have eating glue
But since I eated it I confess
This poem’s grammars has not make sense.
Filed under Poems
#LookBothWays
I saw the golden headlights
Driving towards me in the rain.
I heard the tires squealing
And the brake lines shout of pain.
I smelled the burning rubber
And sensed the car careening
As I changed my Facebook status
So my life could have some meaning.
The Daily Travesty 