Today is the day if my birth,
When I first breathed the air of the Earth.
Because of my exodus
From my mom’s uterus
I now create poems with mirth.
Tag Archives: Bad
Sometimes The Punchlines Just Don’t Come… But The Rhyme Scheme Is Different So Shut Up (Love Y’all)
I’ve never owned a yacht, believe it or not
Nor bought a car (at least so far),
Never found a bike I like
Or used my brain to get a plane,
So when I decide to buy
A helicopter, I’ll adopt ‘er.
That way I can still say
I never resort to pay for transport.
Filed under Poems
NEVER End A Line With “Buck”
Another evening passes
Like methane from our asses,
Like the motorist that passes
Bicyclists, slow as molasses.
It passes like a buck
And the fact that I wrote buck
Means I’ll spare you from future rhymes
Because you already get the analogy.
Filed under Poems
Fair Retails Before Bed
Once there was a tired gent.
To bed went he; To sleep he went.
The other folks said “Mama Mia!”
For the bed he went was in Ikea.
Filed under Poems
Another Cow Poem
Jared was still very small
When he saw cattle fall
Into a slumber, fast and deep.
With no reason or rhyme
Someone said “It’s pasture bedtime”
And so Jared went home and fell asleep.
Filed under Poems
Just Wait ‘Til He Learns They Eat Cat In China
Jared was a little dude
From Syracuse, New York
Who used to think his favorite meat
Was barbecue pulled pork.
Then he came upon a crowd
Of masturbating cattle
And now he says Beef strokin’ off
Has won the “best meat” battle.
Filed under Poems
She-Hulk, Attorney At Law
What if we made a TV show
For people who love manly heroes
That starred a green, feminist lawyer
And had a budget with multiple zeroes
Who lectures the characters we know and love
And faces no relevant threats?
Oh, and let’s call our core audience ‘bigots’
And see how many millions it nets!
Filed under Poems
Why Some Plants Go Extinct
“Anybody want some peas?”
Everyone said yes.
“Anyone want pewps?”
Perhaps next year, I guess…
Filed under Poems
I Just Wanted To Rhyme Things… Don’t Overthink It
If I had a baby shark
I’d never need an exclamation mark.
If I had a baby llama
I’d never use another comma.
If I had pets that numbered myriads
I would be all done with periods.
Alas, my only pet’s a cat
So there! I’m done, and that was that.
Filed under Poems
HUMAN VS CATERPILLAR… THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN 💥💣🌋🐛
From the Earth arises, soft,
The tiny caterpillar
Which, to the baby bird, will serve
As a tiny belly filler.
The baby birds grow big and strong
And humans shoot and eat ‘em
And that is why the caterpillar
Will never defeat ‘em.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 