Tag Archives: Black Humor

Careful Where You Hang Your Hat

Some friends and I were mucking about

The attic when we found

And old top hat with a label that

Said “This makes men dance around.”

So we rolled some snowballs up

And made a face of carrot and coal

And we plopped that cap on the snowy chap

And pretended he had a soul.

Alas, for us, the sun was hot

And dancers tend to sweat

So when the day had gone away

That magic hat was wet,

So we hung it by the fire

Atop Grandpa’s antique poker…

So yes officer, that’s what did this to her.

‘Twas Frosty’s spirit that done broke ‘er!

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Midweek Passion

Baby, when I look at you

All sexy Thursday night

I think of how you’d look if you

Would move towards the right

And stand beside the TV screen

All cute. I want to cheer

‘Cause I can watch the game again.

Oh hey, grab me a beer!

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Christmas Music After They Take Jesus Out

You know Penis and Meatstick, Schlong, Dong, and ManPalace,

Manparts, “The Ramparts,” and Weiner and Phallus,

But do you recall

The most famous Mickey of all?

Mickey the big-dick Reindeer

Had a very shiny body part

And if you go deep enough on Google

You can probably find fan art. (Please don’t try this!)

All of the other reindeer

Used to laugh, except the does.

They just avoided contact

To not be labelled ho-ho-hoes.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve

Santa came to say…

“Mickey, the elves started an insurrection.

I have need of your balls and weighty erection.”

Then how the laughter halted

As they watched the rebels flee.

“We’re sorry for feeling threatened

By your girthy masculinity!”

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What New Devilry Is This?

Somewhere down in baby hell

Are Lucifer and Baphomet,

Asmodeus, Apollyon,

Satan, and Adramalech

All laughing at demonic stuff

But here’s the evil rub:

There’s a new kid in the devil school.

His name’s Beelzebub.

His family comes from South Missouri

And his dad’s name was Cletus

And he’d been groomed for devilhood

Since he was a fetus.

The devils might have picked on him

‘Til he was a broken husk

But then a savior came along:

A baby devil named by Elon Musk.

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That Went Whale…

There once was a lovely young seal

Who captured my sea-mammal heart.

She had an adorable squeal

That made all my fantasies start.

I asked her to go for a drink with me

At a hip new place called “Chez Rubbing”.

But I scared her away. I’d forgotten

That seal babes aren’t fans of clubbing.

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A Depends-able Workers

My boss said I’m incompetent

Because I visit the bathroom a lot.

Then I developed incontinence

And now visit that room I do not.

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Divorce, The Old-Fashioned Way

If I had a hundred camels

And a thousand mules

I could buy your daughter’s love

‘Cause those are the nuptial rules.

But you’d demand a thousand camels

And diamonds by the sack

If I got to know your daughter

And wanted to give her back.

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Just Wait ‘Til He Learns They Eat Cat In China

Jared was a little dude

From Syracuse, New York

Who used to think his favorite meat

Was barbecue pulled pork.

Then he came upon a crowd

Of masturbating cattle

And now he says Beef strokin’ off

Has won the “best meat” battle.

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All Breast Meat

If you were a mother and became a zombie

And started a life with you lil zombaby

Unlife would seem great when you lurch from the hearse

‘Til it’s time for the zombaby to nurse…

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The Racist Test

Asians are little.

White people are bigger.

The next largest up

Would have to be the magnitude of panic in your eyes when I start reading this poem on the streets of any major city at night.

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