One day, a cat suggested
“Wouldn’t it be great
“If we walked up to humans,
“Who we obviously hate,
“And acted cute and fluffy
“‘While we multiply their struggles?”
That cat is world famous now;
His name is Mr. Snuggles.
Tag Archives: Cats
Remembering Amy
It doesn’t feel like a weight
But absence of a lightness;
Hours of Summer all around
And still the day lacks brightness.
A patch of graying sunlight shines
Where once there sat a friend;
I smile at it with broken lips,
And think about her end.
Scratches on the furniture
Once hidden I reveal;
I empty out the litterbox
And her uneaten meal.
I stand beside her scratching post
Without the words to say
The thanks, the pain, the memories,
And so instead I pray.
It doesn’t feel like relief
When I can breathe once more;
It isn’t warm when sunlight gray
Turns orange just like before.
But as a friend who made me smile
Returns to dust again
Her spirit naps within me
As it always has. Amen.
Filed under Poems
At Least JP Had Good Music…
A guy got an idea
To raise monsters from the dead
And show them to the public
Without approval from the Fed.
It all went wrong and people died;
Observers doffed their hats.
Is this the film Jurassic Park
Or behind the scenes of Cats?
Filed under Poems
5:00 AM, The Homes Of Single Women Everywhere
Bloodshot are her yellow eyes,
Pearly white her claws,
And you have been found guilty
Of not following her laws.
She deigns to shake her golden mane
Before she makes you dead,
The only just denouement
For leaving the cat unfed.
Filed under Poems
Shakespeares’s Cat
Kitty kitty
Of my heart,
Who’s a good cat?
Verily, thou art!
I say to thee
A coochy-coo
For who art the cutest?
‘Tis you! ‘Tis you!
Kitty kitty
Ball of fur,
What pleasures come
When you doth purr!
My only wish
For you is yon:
Do sheath your claws
‘Till break of dawn.
Filed under Poems
Tom Is The Perfect Man
She says she wants a man
Who’ll be honest and true,
Who’ll give her his heart
And support when she’s blue,
Who say they’re old-fashioned
But open to stuff,
Safe and spontaneous,
Non-threatening but buff,
And I can’t help thinking
As I look in her eyes
That I’m glad I’m her cat
And not one of those guys.
What’s A Furry Anyway?
Dogs are lovely.
Cats are not.
I guess It’s inappropriate
To call either of them “hot.”
Filed under Poems
When You Have The Heart Of A Lion But She Has The Sensibilities Of A Homo Sapien
We met online at 12:00 AM
And bonded over cats.
We bared our souls with smileys
And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.
We texted back and forth a bit
Before we met in real life.
You thought I was kinda cute.
I knew you’d be my wife.
But as the days and weeks went by
Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.
You kept some of the gifts I sent you
But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!
So now I’m naked, watching Louie
On Amazon TV
Regretting how your heart did not
Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.
Filed under Poems
Jack Frost Won’t Nip Your Nose Anymore
Chestnut’s roasting
On an open fire,
But you know all about that.
What I don’t know
Is why you thought
Chestnut was a good name for a cat.
Filed under Poems
On My Own Terms (The Cat Song)
You take me into your home.
You keep me inside and play with my hair.
You call me a pretty boy
Then you punish me. Baby, give me some air!
You say “call me master.”
I am your slave now.
But I’ll live on my own terms
And soon to me you’ll bow.
You thought you’d relax in the bathroom,
Have clean furniture and a new-house smell.
You forgot me in that equation.
Now I welcome you to nine lives in Hell.
You said “call me master.”
I just said “meow.”
But I’ll live on my own terms
So who’s the master now?
Now you call me master.
You’re little more than my serf.
Now you’ll live by my terms
Or get your ass off my turf!
The Daily Travesty 