Bloodshot are her yellow eyes,
Pearly white her claws,
And you have been found guilty
Of not following her laws.
She deigns to shake her golden mane
Before she makes you dead,
The only just denouement
For leaving the cat unfed.
Tag Archives: Cats
Shakespeares’s Cat
Kitty kitty
Of my heart,
Who’s a good cat?
Verily, thou art!
I say to thee
A coochy-coo
For who art the cutest?
‘Tis you! ‘Tis you!
Kitty kitty
Ball of fur,
What pleasures come
When you doth purr!
My only wish
For you is yon:
Do sheath your claws
‘Till break of dawn.
Filed under Poems
Tom Is The Perfect Man
She says she wants a man
Who’ll be honest and true,
Who’ll give her his heart
And support when she’s blue,
Who say they’re old-fashioned
But open to stuff,
Safe and spontaneous,
Non-threatening but buff,
And I can’t help thinking
As I look in her eyes
That I’m glad I’m her cat
And not one of those guys.
What’s A Furry Anyway?
Dogs are lovely.
Cats are not.
I guess It’s inappropriate
To call either of them “hot.”
Filed under Poems
When You Have The Heart Of A Lion But She Has The Sensibilities Of A Homo Sapien
We met online at 12:00 AM
And bonded over cats.
We bared our souls with smileys
And confirmed the predictions of anonymous stats.
We texted back and forth a bit
Before we met in real life.
You thought I was kinda cute.
I knew you’d be my wife.
But as the days and weeks went by
Our love was less smooth than I was hopin’.
You kept some of the gifts I sent you
But the boxes of dead rodents, you didn’t open!
So now I’m naked, watching Louie
On Amazon TV
Regretting how your heart did not
Know how much that cat-bonding meant to me.
Filed under Poems
Jack Frost Won’t Nip Your Nose Anymore
Chestnut’s roasting
On an open fire,
But you know all about that.
What I don’t know
Is why you thought
Chestnut was a good name for a cat.
Filed under Poems
On My Own Terms (The Cat Song)
You take me into your home.
You keep me inside and play with my hair.
You call me a pretty boy
Then you punish me. Baby, give me some air!
You say “call me master.”
I am your slave now.
But I’ll live on my own terms
And soon to me you’ll bow.
You thought you’d relax in the bathroom,
Have clean furniture and a new-house smell.
You forgot me in that equation.
Now I welcome you to nine lives in Hell.
You said “call me master.”
I just said “meow.”
But I’ll live on my own terms
So who’s the master now?
Now you call me master.
You’re little more than my serf.
Now you’ll live by my terms
Or get your ass off my turf!
Cat Vs. Mirror: The Phantom Menace
His likeness was mine,
His visage my own.
His eyes shone the same,
His fur shared my tone.
I gazed at him
And he gazed back at me.
I figured he saw
What I also did see.
I swiped at his paw
And he swiped back at mine.
It was time to rebuke
This copycat swine!
We swiped at each other.
His claws were like glass!
We fought like equals
But I kicked his ass.
Then I spun around
And that coward fled.
Now it’s time for eating
And then off to bed.
Filed under Poems
Other People’s Cats
Life is like this little guy,
At first cute and fluffy and shy.
It’ll sit on your lap,
Happy purring, then SNAP!
And that’s why I wear this glass eye…
“Mimi” – AKA “Snake”
Filed under Poems
I Write From Experience
If you feel lonely,
Forgotten and blue,
Put a cat in your profile pic
And everyone loves you.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 