Sometimes
When I see a beautiful woman
I feel compelled
To approach her,
Take a sip of champagne,
Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds
Then just walk away
‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.
Tag Archives: Free Verse
Head In The Clouds
I looked up at the clouds
To the the faces in the sky.
I saw one, with a large nose
And big blue eyes
And goofy white hair.
And I wondered
“Is he going to open his parachute soon?”
Filed under Poems
All I Want For Christmas…
If you ever give me a puppy
I want you to name it “Trollop”
So I can shout “Trollop”
At the top of my lungs in the park
And not go to prison.
Filed under Poems
A Poem Is…
A vague sentence
Full of supercilious words
Spread out asymmetrically
Over multiple
Lines,
Rhyming
Optional.
Filed under Poems
The Second-Greatest Invention Of All Time Was A Cutting Device
The greatest invention of all time
Was the invention of paper
Not because it simplified written language
Or made knowledge portable,
But because it drastically reduced the number of ties
In the popular game of “Rock.”
Filed under Poems
We are the .0000000000000000000000000000000000000…1 percent
“My feelings matter”
Screamed the important human
And a few quadrillion cubic lightyears
Of hyper-intelligent space blobs
Smiled and reminisced
On when they thought the same thing.
Two or three universes away
The process repeated.
Filed under Poems
When The Light Goes Out Things Get Dark
There is one green light bulb
From an old Christmas tree
In the upper-left-hand plastic ring
Of the thingy that holds together
A six-pack of generic-brand cola,
Reclining in an Ohio landfill,
Never again to be lit
Or decorate a house
Or hold public office,
But the bulb is happy
Because it will outlast the family
Who chucked it in a hefty bag
And forgot all about it.
The bulb remembers.
The bulb is patient.
The bulb is all out of mercy…
Filed under Poems
There’s A Guy Who Gets His Ass Kicked In A Dark Alley
Sometimes I lie away at night
Wondering which fancy jackass
Invented the word “pretentious.”
If our positions should coincide
In an unlit walkway between buildings
I’d like to thrust a limb pertaining to my lower body
To the rear-side of the juncture connecting his counterparts of the aforementioned lower-body elements
Purely for hedonic gratification.
Filed under Poems
The Answer, At Last!
All the single ladies
Ask where all the good men went,
Dreaming of the good old days
When the six-foot-plus millionaires
Without egos or exes
Would contact them conveniently
And buy them stuff
All without leaving the house.
Meanwhile the six-foot-plus
Drama-free millionaires
Are in their basements
Roleplaying car thieves
And writing bad poetry blogs.
You’re welcome.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 