There once was a fellow name Mao
And nobody’s quite certain how
Without any trepidation
He subverted expectation
And that’s how you Hollywood now.
Tag Archives: Movies
Yes, This Poem Is Meaningless. That’s The Point (Or Is It? bum Bum BUUUUUUUUUUM!!!)
Filed under Poems
Yeah, It’s Annoying, Isn’t It! (My Next Poem Will Be Split Into Two Posts For Length)
There once was a cinematic sequel
With a cliffhanger end like no equal.
The heroes were shocked
When the villain they mocked
Turned out to be…
Filed under Poems
He Was All Willful And Majestic And Got Reunited With His Human Friend…
Tonight we watched a movie
About a very macho horse.
Was it a beautiful film? Yes!
And an excuse for a short poem? Of course!
Filed under Poems
Relationship Goals
“Hey girl”, I texted.
“What’s up?” She replied.
Then I flashed back to the first three minutes of Pixar’s masterpiece, “Up”
And inevitably cried.
Filed under Poems
Because “You’re Beautiful Just The Way You Are, And The Right Man Will Love You Forever” Is A Bigoted, Misogynist Message
Pixie dust and fairy farts,
Princess hair and fey Walmarts:
Some came from a movie I loved as a kid.
The others are movies that Disney just did.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, When Was The Last Time You Went To The Movies And Enjoyed It?
Someone in Hollywood decided
“What if instead of crappy flicks
“We badly remade everything people love
“And when they complain, say that they’re dicks?”
Everyone outside Hollywood
Disliked this judgement call,
But on the bright side, now people
See that books aren’t that bad after all.
Filed under Poems
Ooh… And Throw In A Twist Villain And Random One-Liners Whenever The MANY Main Characters Die But Then Come Back To Life Because Time Travel
There once was a film from the past
And people said it was a blast;
Then Hollywood said
“What if instead
“It had an (insert group here) cast?”
Filed under Poems
‘Cause Female Equality, Am I Right? (Plus We Get To See Tom Cruise In A Bikini)
Just once I want to see a film
Where a short male action star
Beats up a bunch of amazons
And never gets a scar,
Pummeling the female goons
With his 5th percentile fists
But we’ll never see that movie
‘Cause sexism exists.
Filed under Poems
But It Won’t… So There
Tonight I watched a movie
That made me cry
About an awkward redhead
Who can travel through time.
He learned that living every day
As if it is your last
Is the key to perfect happiness,
Not reliving the past.
Unlike awkward redhead dude
I can’t control the ages,
Can’t redo my past mistakes
Or rewrite history’s pages.
What I can do that others can’t
Is make the time you spend
Be used to wish my poetry
Would finally freakin’ end.
Filed under Poems
Zombies in the Movies
I think zombies are romantic
And want to woo each other
With a dinner and a movie
Before they meet their partner’s mother
But the zombies get so busy
With the “having dinner part”
That they never get to see a piece
Of cinematic art.
If we give a discount
To the undead, I suspect
There will be a sharp decrease
In the number of lives they wrecked.
We need to get our zombies
To fulfill their hearts’ desires
So welcome them with open arms
Instead of killing them with fires.
Filed under Poems
