Tag Archives: poems

April 23, 2020 · 2:16 pm

Man’s Best Friend Meets “The Man”

I was running with my dog

One Wednesday afternoon

When my puppy’s nose did spy

Malodorous raccoon.

Not the type to laugh at fate

My dog took up the chase.

Going zero to sixty in 3.2,

He should’ve won the race.

Alas, he turned a corner

Onto Lincoln Parkway South…

A german shepherd police dog

With radar gun in mouth!

I figured it was funny

Knowing the dog had snatched the gun

But funnier was how my pup

Went sixty to zero in 2.1

We got off with a growl,

The raccoon nowhere in sight.

I guess I should be grateful

That my puppy’s fur is white!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 22, 2020 · 11:46 am

Low Siento…

Somewhere, there’s a Mexican wizard

Who can’t hear what people say.

I’ve heard he’s a deaf supremacist

And a member of the “Que? Que? Que?”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 21, 2020 · 4:55 pm

Fear Not Weather’s Wonders

One wonders whether weather

Wonders whether weather was

A wandering weather whither

else wandering thither just because.

But whether weather wanders

Hither, thither, or wherever

One’s wandering wonder weathers

Weather’s wonders well forever.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 20, 2020 · 9:45 pm

…Or Something

I’ve read too much to enjoy reading,

Seen to many masterpieces to appreciate beauty.

I am inspired by only passions fleeting,

Never by oughts, my skill, my duty.

To know and love and worship and create

Guides the eye to their lover’s flawed face,

Opening pinholes to unfamiliar hate

That will never be known to those casually committed to their passions.

I will not chase or slay dragons.

I will not rescue or respect damsels.

I will enjoy every moment once

And never seek out or create its sequel.

I want to know love,

And I learn through unfamiliarity.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 19, 2020 · 3:59 pm

Kindness

I offered a homeless guy a place

To sleep under my roof.

He said to me, “I’m not a ceiling fan.”

Then to himself: “Lol, what a goof!”

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 18, 2020 · 1:30 pm

LGBTQ, Not 10JQKA

I like to play poker with drag queens

‘Cause whenever they draw an ace

You know right away

‘Cause you know what they say:

They struggle to keep a straight face.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , , ,

April 17, 2020 · 12:44 pm

Sacrifice

She had wavy golden hair

That fell below her knees

The color of the summer sun

And lighter than a breeze.

She cut it when we married,

Though it was at my behest:

The hair would have been lovely

If it weren’t on her chest.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 16, 2020 · 6:30 pm

Do It Already!

Close my eyes and listen

To the gently falling rain,

Wishing all the while

That you, dear reader, will refrain

From noticing the fact

That I made a mistake,

For this poem is a command.

What a difference “I” can make…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 15, 2020 · 5:11 pm

Yes, My Carpet Is Beige. How Are You?

I took some tests last weekend

And got results today.

The good news: I’m not pregnant

And my blood pressure’s okay,

My cholesterol is healthy

And my IQ’s 121.

The bad news: My personality test

Indicates that I have none.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

April 14, 2020 · 12:48 pm

You Can’t Spell “Guilt” Without U and I

Well, you tried to con a dollar

From my hard day’s work

But I’ve never worked a day in my life.

Then you tried to sell me something

In an unmarked bag.

I said “Maybe, but I gotta ask my wife.”

Then you pulled a Smith and Wesson

From your paint-on jeans

And you told me “Pull your wallet out slow.”

Nine months later you’ve a stroller,

I’m approved for my parole-a.

When it’s love, sometimes you just know.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,