Tag Archives: Poetry

Love You Forever

You know what would be really good

To see come out of Hollywood?

How ‘bout a film where a zombie guy

Sees a zombie gal that catches his eye.

They fall in love, they thrust and moan,

They buy a house without a loan,

And then the local HOA

Tells the two to move away.

Then the zombie couple fights

For many days and many nights

Wave after wave of humans who

Care only for their home’s value.

And after all is said and done

The humans die, the zombies won,

They adopt the human kids as equals

And thus ensure a lot of sequels.

It’s a wholesome tale of why

One’s choice to not completely die

Does not invalidate one’s worth…

Stars Emma Stone and Colin Firth.

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Gentlemen Prefer Stalls

Still as a statue,

Deer in the headlights,

Sleeps like a baby,

Calm as can be;

These things are common

But nothing comes close

To how still is my bladder

When you stand next to me.

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Pimento Control Now!

He was black, surrounded by brothers,

Unarmed and defenseless

When a white man came by

To perform something senseless:

The poor black was gutted

And served on a platter

With mediterranean food.

#BlackOlivesMatter

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Twilight Isn’t The Only Pacific Northwest Love Story

There once was a fellow from Sequim

And a gal who was quite into him

She said “I’m from Snoqualmie

“So why don’t you call me?”

This could be only in Warshington.

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How To Get Federal Unemployment Benefits

When I said “I like my coffee

“Like my women: Sweet and black.”

My coworker decided

That was a personal attack.

She called the supervisor

Just to say she was offended

And just like that I found I was,

Like Epstein’s neck, suspended.

But now my luck has turned around

And I see that I’m blessed.

I can’t be an oppressor

If I am, in fact, oppressed.

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This Greeting Will Blow You Away…

If we didn’t announce hurricanes

Just for a year or two

No one would die in a hurricane again.

Also, I’m fine. How ‘bout you?

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Portland Rap

I asked a tranny dude if he wanted to fight,

‘Cause I figured “He ain’t got the balls, amiright?”

He said “No,” which is fine, but it got really weird

When his girlfriend came forward and I stepped on her beard.

I was going to write seven more verses, but I think you get the point…

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Unstoppable Laughter

Middle school classroom:

All is quiet. Someone farts.

No learning today.

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See Also: Ant Farms

Once upon a time, some guy

Said “I know what we need!:

“A kinda boring screensaver

“We also have to feed.”

All the other townspeople

Said “That’s as good as it gets,”

And they all went out to buy themselves

Some fish to keep as pets.

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#Fitness

Cookies for breakfast,

Pizza for lunch,

Twelve donuts for dinner,

But I did one crunch!

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