If I ever say
“Let’s play some Monopoly”
I’ve been body-snatched.
Tag Archives: Poetry
This Isn’t Hanukkah… One Day Is Plenty
July 4th is a holiday
At least here in the USA
That’s currently four days away
But some folks think that it’s ok
To have a firework display
Every single night and day
Instead of waiting. Now I pray
That those people will go away
So when upon my bed I lay
Into dreamland I’ll go and stay.
Filed under Poems
Where Do The Colonists Sign Up?
So when you die the tax man comes
To take of your estate
While you pay tax on a hospital bill,
Pine box, and granite slate,
Then wear taxed clothes to the funeral.
You’ll arrive in taxed-gas powered cars
Which is why I will die as an astronaut:
‘Cause there’s no taxes yet on Mars.
Filed under Poems
Jesus Christ
Sure, they nailed me to a cross
And death was sort of ouchy
But that isn’t the real reason
That I’m feeling grouchy.
Instead, I’m sick of folks like you
Always shouting my name
When you stub your toe or, I don’t know,
Get mad at a video game.
Filed under Poems
Is This How Pokemon Started?
Tiger tiger, burning bright
In the zoo, so late at night.
Alas, it seems those corporate jerks
Failed to show how the extinguisher works.
Filed under Poems
Are You There God? It’s Me, Fluffles
I am a fearsome hunter
And have killed a hundred men
And yet I sleep in peace, filled with
Tranquility and zen
Because someday I hope I may
Catch some deity’s eye.
They’ll think I’m cute and house me
In their mansion in the sky,
They’ll feed me all I can consume
And rub my belly while
Saying “Who’s a good warrior?”
With a goofy voice and smile,
And let me come and go all day
Through a small transparent flap
Instead of being human
And putting up with all this crap.
Filed under Poems
The Science Of Attraction
If you say something sweet to a glacier
And it melts their icy heart
They quietly whisper, “thawwwwwww”
And that’s how global warming starts.
Filed under Poems
Buffy Is Moving To Europe
Do vampires get uncomfortable
When writing a lowercase “t”?
When they order at a restaurant
Do they request their water unholy?
Do they avoid places that eat lots of garlic
And even avoid such a smell?
Because my conclusions lead me to believe
Italy is just vampire hell.
Filed under Poems
Buffy Is Moving To Europe
Do vampires get uncomfortable
When writing the letter “t”?
When they order at a restaurant
Do they request their water unholy?
Do they avoid places that eat lots of garlic
And even avoid such a smell?
Because my conclusions lead me to believe
Italy is just vampire hell.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 