As we ran around the Mulberry bush
I thought that all was well.
Then the weasel was all like “Pop!”
And I was like “Dude, what the Hell?”
Tag Archives: Poetry
California, Son
I wish I could go to the beach
Without hearing the word “impeach,”
Could drive my car for quite a while
And go more than a half a mile,
Could say the word “black”
And not draw stares.
It’s where everything matters
But nobody cares.
Filed under Poems
Hi Debbie!
If you were a prescription drug
I’d call you Trilambdakrip
Because the word is meaningless
Just like our relationship.
Filed under Poems
…The Bass, That Is
My DJ name is “Other Shoe.”
I’m the cream of the DJ crop.
No matter what other DJs do
They wait for “Other Shoe” to drop…
Filed under Poems
The Victors
You see the victors on parade,
Their smiles of sweet relief.
You hear their proffered words of thanks
For the ending of their grief.
But what they do not realize
Through their newfound lack of pain
Is that to stay victorious
They’ll have to win again.
They’ll have to reface challenges.
They’ll have to reforge swords,
Reconquer their old demons
And rechallenge hated hoards.
They’ll have to suffer all again
And all this not to grow
But just to stay a victor:
And maintain the status quo.
Yes we conquered those we feared
And silenced those we hate,
But should we take such lavish pride
In merely stalemate?
So watch the victors on parade
But envy them do not!
You would not wish on anyone
The pain the victors brought
Nor would you wisely wish to feel
Their pride in wielding well
The arms and armor of the war
That merged the Earth and Hell.
One day we’ll see no victory,
No men will march with pride.
We will erect no monuments
For those who bravely died.
We’ll stand without a trophy
And we’ll not conceal our grins
For all will be the victors
Come the day when no one wins.
Filed under Poems
Poem: Bad, Pun: Also Bad
We who play accordions
Know the Native Americans want us
Because they want to have a kid
And name it Polkahontas.
Filed under Poems
Bad Parental Advice
I did something stupid.
They asked “why did you?
“If your parents where lemmings
Would you be one too?”
Filed under Poems
Dear Not-America, Love The U.S. of A
Hello from America,
Where we play real football!
Our dicks are the same size as yours
Although you’re not as tall.
Our women spend more money
And our kids aren’t well-behaved
But we have free tap water
And most of our roads are paved.
We owe your nation money
That we’ll never repay
But we also have lots of nukes
So please do what we say.
Our politicians are all crooks
And most are wimps as well
But we pledge them our allegiance
And pretend that things are swell.
But speaking patriotically
Our country’s still the best
At drinking booze per-capita
And functioning while stressed.
Here’s how you can emigrate
From where you live right now:
Just walk to California
And never leave. Kapow!
Filed under Poems
