I used to have a whole bunch of dice
But I can’t find two of them now.
I suppose that means it’s a pair o’ dice lost?
(Yes, this is a pun. Anyhow…)
Tag Archives: Poetry
Would You Consider Him To Be A Jerk?
There once was a poet from Newark
Who never finished his work.
Even though it’d be easy
He was just that cheesy.
Filed under Poems
Deterrent or Solution? How About Both!
If everyone had nuclear missiles
And lacked all self control
The internet would be a more peaceful place
And that is a most noble goal.
Filed under Poems
The Gen Alpha Song
I was born too late for a peaceful life,
Born to a woman who was not a wife,
Raised by a screen and a TikTok star
With no life skills but a brand new car.
My first day of school was in my bedroom.
I made new friends with the help of Zoom.
My kindergarten cred was instantly blown
‘Cause I’m five years old but using last year’s phone.
I can’t read yet and that won’t change soon
‘Cause Alexa can read me Good Night Moon,
My browser can do homework for me
Thanks to indifferent teachers and a GPT.
By 2050 we’ll be on the presidential stage
Campaigning for a million dollar minimum wage
So better get some rizz unless you’ve got gyat
‘Cause here we come world, ready or not.
Filed under Poems
Apparently “Cosby-Cola” Is Not An Appropriate Suggestion
Our market research team said
Flavors that combine two fruity flavors
Like “strawberry-kiwi” and “lemon-lime”
Are massive money savers.
They asked us all to pick a pair
Of fruity tastes to try.
I suggested “date-grape”
And now I’m fired. They won’t say why…
Filed under Poems
My Stocking Is Stuffed And My Belly Is Too
Today it was Christmas
And Christmas was done.
This poem is only smaller
Than my desire to go for a run.
Filed under Poems
Side Effects Include Non-Sequiturs And Academic Integrity
The trees are all decked
With ornaments grand,
The stockings are stuffed
And the peaches are canned,
The sweatshirts are laundered
And the clouds are thundering
And the ointment is working
In case you were wondering.
Filed under Poems
And With That, The Silence Ended
Tomorrow is Christmas eve
And today’s the 16th day of Chanukah.
I am six years old today
And you bought me a harmonica!
Filed under Poems
Not Saying Santa Advocates Piracy, But…
Jingle bells on a reindeer’s chest
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
A long night ahead with not much rest
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
The elves made toys
For good girls and boys
But what the kids today enjoy’s
An iThingy
In 4k HD
With a USB
And a ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Nine deer flew but just six came back
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Three collapsed ‘neath the Chinese sack
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Chimneyless homes
With their bulletproof domes
Are wherever he roams
Gluten free cookie lasses
Left him soy milk glasses
Which make him pass gasses
So a ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Fifteen elves still employed at best
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Xi Jinping gone outsourced the rest
So its ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
Filed under Poems
For My Beloved Wife On The Occasion Of Her Illness
My girl is sick. She has the ick.
It makes her feel bad.
But she is lucky, ‘cause even when yucky
She’s married to me, her lad.
I make her soup that makes her poop
So all the germs come out,
And then she goes and blows her nose
And snot comes out her snout!
Now free of dreck, my darling Beck
May lay upon our couch.
I am her boulder, her comforting shoulder
For whenever she feels an ouch.
Soon will be when her and me
Go off to bed to sleep
And since she coughed I talk so soft
And help her count the sheep.
And when she wakes, the sound she makes
Is more thunder than snore
But through the night her gut got right;
She’s better than before.
So we repeat until her feet
Are under her anew.
My medical care is extraordinaire
Or so I think. Do you?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 