I’m going to a climate conference
To inspire both hope and confidence
But I’m not sure which jet I should ride
So I’ll take both. I’m too rich to decide!
Tag Archives: Poetry
Leftist Dilemmas
Sometimes I think the world would be better
If everyone wrote a well-worded letter
Politely requesting that all war be ended
But if we did that someone might be offended
Filed under Poems
Father’s Day
Happy day to all the dads
Who once were childless as lads
And then got up to laddish things
‘Til onto Earth a baby springs.
Then they spend their waking hours
Changing diapers, buying flowers,
Playing dolls or playing truck
Depending on genetic luck.
As they age, the hair up here
Says “Nope, now I’ll grow out your ear.”
He buys cars for his offspring who
Repay him with a new tie. Whoo!
These things and more, both good and bad
Are part of what makes man a dad
But it is love, not merely fate,
That makes a dad we celebrate.
Filed under Poems
On Commencement
Once a year, a million kids
Quit going to a school
And they rent ugly hats and dresses
Because that’s just the rule.
Everybody’s name is read
And then the hats are thrown
And a million kids proceed to then
Forget what they had known.
Then a half a million kids
Go to school that costs a lot
Where they try to sleep with other kids
And, if they’re me, do not.
The other half get jobs at places
Where food is microwaved
Or join the “Guns and Tanks” patrol
And thus the world is saved.
This graduation from a child
To learned adult is great.
And now I must excuse myself;
For bed, I’m somewhat late.
Filed under Poems
Next Time I’ll Choose A Muse Who Understands Hypothetical Questions!
Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Wait, really?
Ok then, I guess…
Filed under Poems
English
If “baby” is an infant
And “baby” means a loved one
And “baby” is taking care of people
And “baby” is an easily-offended someone
Then the act of taking care of
A weak beloved child
Is to baby your baby baby baby
And baby, I think that’s wild!
Filed under Poems
Ladies, Learn To Reboot A Router
If your husband is pooping
And taking his time
So that hours have passed
And the scent is a crime
There’s no need to bother
With a knock or a shout;
His business will finish
When the Wifi goes out.
Filed under Poems
Lord Aberforth, Earl of Wigginsby, Doth Endorse This Message
I think the reason the ghost population
Has gone down in recent years
Is probably that it’s not fun to see people
Discuss the political stance of light beers
Filed under Poems
Diversity on TV
Some people love a TV show
Or book with all their heart
Because it’s scary/witty/charming
And fast-paced/tender/smart.
Others see that TV show
And think one long “okaaaaaaay?”
I think that’s the best diversity
Even if no one’s black or gay.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 