So you know when you’re in public
And you kinda need to poop
So you go into the restroom
And kinda do a stoop
And pray that all the excrement
That needs to leave your bum
Will flow into the toilet
Before your knees get numb?
You wait and wait for seven years
(The watch would say 1 minute)
‘Til you let loose a bunny turd
And you say, “That’s good, innit?”
And then you do the little walk
Back to the restaurant table
And though you still have to poop
You also want to seem mentally stable?
Filed under Poems
To make a student concert go
There are some things you need to know.
Just like a wedding, what you hear
May cause you to shed a tear.
They’ll play a tune you know by heart,
Beloved favorite, devoid of art
And then a piece that’s written so
The talentless might play a show.
This will go on for several hours
And won’t be cancelled due to showers
To gird your loins and plug your ears;
You’ll have one for the next ten years.
Filed under Poems
With all the hurricanes and fires
And political unrest
I think it’s time we kill the butterflies.
Take heart. It’s for the best!
Filed under Poems
My parents said that trading card games
Weren’t good for my education
But as I grow advanced in age
I deny that proclamation
Because working for days on a perfect deck
And bringing it to play with strangers
Only to get wiped out by $1,000 carboard
Is a lesson in capitalist dangers.
Filed under Poems
So super bowl 59…
I guess you’d describe it as “fine”.
Lo, the history tomes
Yearned for Patrick Mahomes
But the script picked the alt storyline.
Filed under Poems
I asked my wife for a random word
To inspire my poem tonight.
Here eyes went wide, her gaze went blank,
And she went towards the light.
Now alone and uninspired
I type this tepid verse
But at least it’s quiet in the house
So I guess it could be worse.
Filed under Poems
There once was a form called the FAFSA
Which asked for my tax info. Laughs, ya?
Then my wife had to say
That yes, I did pay,
All to get zero money. That’s a gaffe-sa!
Filed under Poems
Anerica is an evil place
Led by terrible rapists and thieves
And yet people say it violates their rights
If anyone asks them to leave?
Filed under Poems
Thanks to fluorescent lighting
You see a hundred smiling faces
Of a hundred unhappy people
Just covering their bases.
There’s a slideshow on the laptop
That was made the night before
That will make investors happy
And will make the buyers poor.
The conference room has donuts
And the chairs are soft and red
And you eat the sweet, admit defeat,
And notice that you’re dead.
But if you have a family,
A student, and a friend,
And half as many fucks to give
You’ll know its not the end
But instead you’ll move toward the light
In the corner of the page
And start to live the life you had
When you still knew your age.
I’m not too good at poetry
So instead of trying to push
I’ve decided to stop my poetry
And just write poebush.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 