I left an item in a shopping cart
Seven years ago.
I still get advertisements to this day.
I wish I were so smart
That I could only know
How to make my hairline work that way.
Tag Archives: Short
Unhelpful Knowledge 101
Anyone who complains about math
Because they’ll never use it in real life
Has never memorized the periodic table
Or heard about saying “No” to your wife.
Filed under Poems
When You Have A Daily Blog And Need A Day Off… The To-Do List
Drive to Canada
To see a show with my Mom
And write this haiku
Filed under Poems
Why Robots Won’t Replace Men
No amount of flattery
Can restore an empty battery
But a little flirting can
Reenergize almost any man.
Filed under Poems
I Asked My Fiance To Write The Odd-Numbered Lines And I’d Handle The Rhyming…
Fan.
Man.
TV.
Stevie.
Watch.
Crotch.
Orange.
Yeah… this is what I signed up for
Filed under Poems
Sort Of An Umbrella Poem About… Well, You Get It
Sometimes a banana is just a banana
And a tree is just a big, stiff, and girthy
And if you don’t know how torpedos fit in
Then your mind has yet to become worthy.
Filed under Poems
That Would Probably Bug Him
I think when the Buddha slept
He gave thanks for having grand wits
And also that no one referred to him
As Mr. Praying Man-Tits.
Filed under Poems
It’s Like “Plop” And I Just Met My Weight-Loss Goal
Sure, falling in love is satisfying
But have you ever had a poop where you thought
Everything in life was good again?
Apparently the music business has not.
Filed under Poems
And It Has Zero Calories!
I’ve invented a new cocktail
That’s a lot like a White Russian
But without the vodka, liqueur, cream, or ice.
It’s called a “Political Discussion”.
Filed under Poems
The Ends Justify The Means
I think the government should give everyone
A tiger to keep as a pet. Sure,
A lot of dumb people might become Fancy Feast
But traffic would be so much better!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 