Today I realized that if
The calculator were invented today
The numbers zero, eight, and five
Would have to go away
Because 58,008
Looks like “BOOBS” upside down
And that might offend someone
And there’s actually no punchline…
The world is just that dumb.
Sometimes it can be tough
To deal with all of your stuff,
And so the path that seems easiest
Is to be an eccedentesiast.
Filed under Poems
There once was a bass who played bass
Who wondered “Is it pronounced vase or vase?”
His leader then lead
Him to read what he read
But he wound up wounding his face.
Filed under Poems
There once was a man from Tuskaloosa
Who had no fondness for his appaloosa.
Alas, ‘twas the only kind
Of rhyming thing he could find
So he packed up and moved to Des Moines.
Filed under Poems
Some days your mind is foggy
And your heart is cold as ice
But you know soon you’ll have a poop
And that will feel nice!
Filed under Poems
Today I worked an eight-hour day
And did not feel blue
Until I finally realized
I must tomorrow too…
Filed under Poems
If I had a pickle
For every time you smile
I’d be decorating sandwiches
For a sufficient while.
—————————————————————
As the birds sing in the morning
And the bugs crawl in the night
So too doth my heart yearneth
When you say “Meh, you’re alright…”
—————————————————————
I picked the petals from the flower:
“She loves me, she loves me not…”
But I misread the directions
Turns out it was flour I bought.
As I sift through every grain
I frown and then I smile.
I’m getting a great workout
But the results will take a while.
Filed under Poems
It’s Christmas day!
It’s Christmas! Yay!
There are better things to do today
Than read this blog, so go away!
Filed under Poems
‘Twas the night before the night before Christmas
And all through the all through the house
Everyone was everyone was wondering
“Why the **** is everything echoey?”
Filed under Poems
One day at breakfast I asked my niece
“What if a bowl of cereal were all just one piece?”
My niece said, “I don’t mean to boast
“But I invented that cereal. I call it ‘Toast.’”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 