The nurse said “I’m Aquarius!”
The lab tech said “I’m Virgo!”
I said “I’m a Cancer!”
The doctor said “I know.”
Tag Archives: Silly
Women Will Change You
There once was a man named Beyoncé
Who wanted to have a fiancee
But the girls were all like
“Why’s your name not like ‘Mike?’”
Now he goes by his middle name: Chauncey.
Filed under Poems
Male Black Widow Problems
Today is Friday night.
I’m with my darling wife.
We’re gonna have some crazy sex
‘Cause I am done with life.
Filed under Poems
How Much Would You Cry If You Had 17 Eyes?
There are ten-quintillion insects
In the world, we estimate
Who deal daily with the fact
They’re objects of our hate.
They’ve never read a poem
And they’ve never seen a play
And we just go and murder them
As they go about their day.
Lots of people say things:
“Love your neighbor,” “Peace not war,”
But they don’t even bat an eye
When vacuuming their floor.
I think when we begin to care
For the welfare of bugs
Humanity will finally see
The real value of hugs.
Filed under Poems
Before Chad And Karen, There Was This Guy
Just because his name is Curtis
Doesn’t mean that he is curt.
Just because her name is Cindy
Doesn’t mean that she’s a sinner.
Just because my name is Dick
Doesn’t mean I feelings hurt.
Now where, my wifey dearest,
Is my mother****ing dinner?
Filed under Poems
Love and War
Whenever Italy gets attacked
Someone must fell Rome,
Someone conquers Cicily,
Burns a Venetian home…
Yes, in an Italian conquest
These sackings are the staples
But a satisfying extra
Is somebody licked their Naples.
Filed under Poems
Being Humble Is Almost As Hard As My Abs
I know I need to be humble,
To be a non-judgmental guy,
But if I said that was easy
What I say would be a lie.
The fact of the matter is I am just
Incredible, without a doubt
To the point where the lesbians love me
And the straightest of men will come out.
When I step out of bed in the morning
The sun is ashamed to be seen
Because how can a glorious light like that
Compare to me? Know what I mean?
So yes, in my mind I’m aware
That humility would serve me well
So I offer my prayers to Heaven…
The same Heaven from which I fell ; )
Filed under Poems
When The Kisses Miss The Missus
When you refuse my kiss
I feel something’s amiss.
When you deny my peck
I think “What the heck?”
When you dodge my caress
I feel some duress.
When you deny being osculated
I feel emosculated.
Filed under Poems
Audubon Abbreviated
A group of owls is a congress,
A group of crows, a murder.
Anything else just call a flock
And you’ll pass as a birder.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 