God made twelve hours of light and dark
In an alternating way
Then sat a while
And with a smile
Decided to call it a day.
Tag Archives: Silly
…Or Girls In General, For That Matter
“The devil plays the violin,
The instrument of mortal sin.”
I told her this, then said hello.
#How to not pick up girls who play cello
Filed under Poems
Mom Was Right
There comes a time in our epoch
When you face the toughest of fights,
You, insignificant human
Alone with the crusher of lights,
A few hundred pounds of soft tissue
Versus a beast from which no one can hide
But you have one ally to help you:
You can turn off the screen and go outside.
Filed under Poems
Shakespeares’s Cat
Kitty kitty
Of my heart,
Who’s a good cat?
Verily, thou art!
I say to thee
A coochy-coo
For who art the cutest?
‘Tis you! ‘Tis you!
Kitty kitty
Ball of fur,
What pleasures come
When you doth purr!
My only wish
For you is yon:
Do sheath your claws
‘Till break of dawn.
Filed under Poems
Guys and Dolls, Mother Russia Edition
I once went shopping at the mall
With a Russian guy and a Russian doll.
The Russian guy could reach the top shelf
But the Russian doll was too full of herself.
Filed under Poems
Star Wars Episode IX
The stormtrooper lands
In Nairobi, Kenya
And fires his blaster
Into the falling H2O.
The Jedi asks the trooper
“What was all that?”
And the trooper says
“I miss the rains down in Africa.”
*Roll Credits*
Filed under Poems
Tonight: Shred Monkey (Ft. The Green Bay Packers)
When it comes to choosing my dream career
I’ve finally made a decision:
I’ve decided I want to be
A major league musician…
I want to be in a band so famous
They play quick football games during intermission.
Filed under Poems
Hopscotch Reimagined
Who are these people,
These lines of numbered squares?
How do they feel
As the world around them stares?
As they’re moved from chalk outlines
Into their waiting coffin
We wonder why they’re murdered
On playgrounds so often…
Filed under Poems
Four European Jokes
If you think you’re very nice
I’ll leave you this reminder:
No matter how kind you happen to be
German children will always be kinder.
——————————————————–
If you read the first jokes
And your focus yet lingers
How ’bout the Roman
Who held up two fingers
And said to the bartender
“Howdy there Clive!”
Clive asked “Two beers?”
But the Roman said “Five.”
——————————————————–
When France declared a civil war
At first we wondered “But what for?”
But thanks to the historically well-versed
We learned it was an argument about who surrendered first.
——————————————————–
Spain.
Filed under Poems
Nautical Issues
“I don’t know how to say this…”
Jason said to Captain Tull,
“But the otorhinolaryngologist
“Spilled Worcestershire sauce in the forecastle.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 