Sometimes
When I see a beautiful woman
I feel compelled
To approach her,
Take a sip of champagne,
Gargle it loudly for 12.5 seconds
Then just walk away
‘Cause I don’t need all that drama.
Tag Archives: Silly
A Fairy Tale Romance
I hold your hand and count to ten
On fingers, yours and mine.
I see the ring I’ll give to you
And how the gold will shine.
I see the satin dress you’ll wear,
Your lacy veil of white
And how our lives will be complete
After our wedding night.
I smell our families’ tears of joy
And hear the words we’ll say
To merge two hearts eternally
On one momentous day.
I feel the fire in my heart,
How yours must burn the same,
I ask you now to you marry me!
Oh, also, what’s your name?
Filed under Poems
Because Disney Ruins Everything
If I owned a magic candy cane
That could call thunder and rain
I’d try to die ASAP
So they wouldn’t think my life would be a good movie.
Filed under Poems
A Diatribe On The State Of Political Upheaval In Western Civilization
The incidences of protests
Inversely correlate
With the cost of protest signs
And whether people have a date.
Filed under Poems
Head In The Clouds
I looked up at the clouds
To the the faces in the sky.
I saw one, with a large nose
And big blue eyes
And goofy white hair.
And I wondered
“Is he going to open his parachute soon?”
Filed under Poems
White Privilege 2.0
Despite meeting a cannibal
I feel pretty good.
I was scared until he said
That he liked Chinese food.
Filed under Poems
Like Duck Puns… BUT BETTER 🔥
If you want a large-beaked bird
A pelican will do.
If you want a big-beaked philosopher
Then Peli Kant’s for you.
If you want a big-beaked marsupial
Try pelikangaroo.
If you want other big-beaked puns…
You guessed it: Pelican-do.
Filed under Poems
Really Puts Things In Perspective…
A seahorse is always angry
For that is the seahorse’s curse.
You probably can’t tell that it’s angry
And that just makes the poor thing feel worse.
The things that make seahorses happy
Are skis and the word “Bangalore.”
The next time that you see a seahorse
I hope you can empathize more.
Filed under Poems
Dear Snowflakes…
If the words of a total stranger
Can cause great offense to you
Then I have just one thing to say
And that is whoop-dee-doo.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 