A boring, shirtless-selfie guy
With pictures of his travels
Briefly loves bikini-babe…
A love that soon unravels.
Alas, the love so brief in time
Creates a permanent child.
This all could have been avoided
If Mr. shirtless-selfie smiled.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Mistakes Have Been Made
You say you were gloomy,
For quite a long span
When you were a woman
In need of a man.
You say you were sad,
But that’s nothing but talk.
Think of fish without bicycles
Who instead had to walk!
Filed under Poems
The New American Dream
Anti-racism
Is when white people
Protest against white people
For being white.
Filed under Poems
Where BLM and the Dictionary Meet
A riot is when you’re angry
So you burn and steal money.
A riot’s also when you laugh
Because something is funny.
Filed under Poems
You Get Equality! And You Get Equality! Everybody Gets Equality!
A growing social concern
That, to us, recently came
And affects the common person
Is Inequality of Fame.
Some folks are very famous
And some people are not
And it’s patently unfair
And it ain’t how it ought.
I suggest a policy
Wherein all people must
Create a social profile
With a media giant we trust
And exactly one trillion people
And never more or less
Must follow every profile
So society won’t regress.
If everybody’s famous
We’ll have perfect mental health.
Then maybe a trillion dollar minimum wage
Can do the same for wealth!
Update: It’s come to this poet’s attention that white, heterosexual, natal-males still exist, so this probably won’t happen for a while.
Filed under Poems
So That Happened…
Yesterday, the internet
Decided to be rude
And with regards to a poem I wrote
The scheduling was eschewed.
The poem in question, “A Halfass Ballad”
Was supposed to be published today
But instead it published an hour before
I wrote it yesterday.
Apparently a time machine
Malfunctioned for a bit
And made the WordPress platform
Look like a load of… anyway
The point of this poem
Is I put effort and thought
Into “yesterday’s” poem
So today effort give I’ll not.
Seriously though… go read “A Halfass Ballad.” It may be the last good poem I publish for some time, as longtime readers are aware. And if you’re still reading this italicized footnote, obviously you have plenty of time on your hands so don’t say “But I just read today’s poem, so I can’t go back and read another one.” Because you can. Also, if you already read “A Halfass Ballad,” read it again because it’s more interesting than this. Seriously, why are you even still here? Love ya!
Filed under Poems
When Gen Z Starts Procreating
If I ever have a baby
With the person I call “Honey,”
I will name it “In the Headlights”
‘Cause when we sing “Happy Birthday” it’ll be funny.
Filed under Poems
What About The Roads Though?
In the past twelve months, America
Printed twice as much money
As every American Billionaire combined,
Which is twenty percent
Of all dollars ever spent
Since 1835.
That money could pay off
All American credit card debt
AND all American student loan debt
Twice.
And so I ask:
Why do we need taxes again?
Filed under Poems
In 2022, Restaurants Will Be Segregated By “Coke Drinkers” and “Pepsi Drinkers” Because #SocialJustice
I use to think that crack cocaine
Was a terrible social ill,
Until the other type of Coke
Reclaimed the top of the hill
By training its employees
That they should be “less white.”
If folks buy crack then c’est la vie
But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.
Filed under Poems
Crime Pays Everyone But Me
People lose millions of dollars a day
To people with terrible grammar,
So I figured “Hey, I seem stupid sometimes
“So why shouldn’t I be a scammer?”
I sent out an email to millions of people
Saying “I could have stolen a stack
“But instead I abstained from stealing your money
“So to say thanks, could you send some back?”
That was on Monday and now it is Friday
And I’m not sure if scams like this work…
So now you’re aware of why criminals steal:
It’s ’cause you’re a miserly jerk!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 