I opened a bottle of root beer
And smiled at the sweetness and fizz.
You probably don’t think that sounds racist
But I’m white, so it probably is.
Tag Archives: Stupid
If “The Red Wheelbarrow” Is Good, Why Isn’t This?
Her love made me warm and fuzzy
Like a bit of french cheese
Left in a sauna over the weekend
But, alas, she had fleas.
Filed under Poems
What Fruits The Idle Mind Hath Yielded This Morn
If birds ate at restaurants
I imagine KFC
Would be a lot more popular.
The reason might just be
That folks would eat at restaurants
Where birds would frequent less.
You might think that’s racist
But that’s my fairest guess.
Filed under Poems
Me Too/Two/To
After my boss said “You’re fired”
I bought the Harley I’d always admired
But without my car
I don’t travel too far.
I think it’s because I’m two-tired.
Filed under Poems
Men
There are 300 urinals present.
Just the first and last are used at all.
If one of those two isn’t open
Non-sociopaths use a stall.
Filed under Poems
Fline Then
I gave someone a gift
Of pigeons sitting on a rock.
When they asked why I told them:
“I don’t give a flying flock.”
Filed under Poems
Harrr Harrr Harrr…
I found myself marooned
Off the coast of Kansas (somehow)
And saw another pirate was near.
He was selling corn
So I asked about the price.
He said “You’ll only pay a buccaneer.”
Filed under Poems
A Pun Not Worth It’s Setup
I jumped in a pool
And grabbed a flotation device,
But that floating noodle
Turned out to be lead.
I don’t know
How it managed to fool me
But, thanks to that impasta
Now I am dead.
Filed under Poems
Concrete Washington: Folk Hero (Or Just Denzel’s Brother)
Indiana Jones was a big success
(Until 2008).
You have to wonder if similar names
Would enjoy a similar fate
Like Alaska Round, detective
Or Iowa Guysummoney?
Idaho Youhadhertoo?
Would people find these funny?
Kansas state thing be abused
Or must we resort to towns
Like Helena -West Helena Johnson
Or, better yet, Cleveland Brown?
Filed under Poems
Seven Crappy Little Poems I Wrote At 11:48 Last Night
Confederate Secrets
A lot of slaves were literate
Or so I’ve been told.
I wonder if they ever read
“Chicken Soup for the Sold?”
America’s Digital Security
Obama’s password:
PASSORD
Note: No “W”
Our Beloved President
Since I have a Lamborghini
They don’t care that my dick’s teeny.
I like… like “like-like…”
Liking, like, likes I, like, like.
You’re, like, welcome. lol
Christian Bakeries
I was going to buy a baguette
But they thought I was a faggot.
Nothing awful happened though.
They kept their bread. I kept my dough.
Technically Accurate…
If you like corn on the cob
There’s a very small chance you’re part of the mob.
Hell
If you want a drink in Hell
You’ll find you have to go
To that one drinking fountain
With the insufficient flow,
And French-kiss the rusty spigot
That’s soaking wet with drool.
Satan got the idea
From your local middle school.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 