Flashlight, flashdark,
Flash anywhere.
Just so long as you flash me
I really do not care.
Flashlight, flashdark,
Flash all sorts of beams.
I’ll flash you all you want
Every night inside your dreams.
Tag Archives: Stupid
I-68, She Younger
I asked a gal if she wanted
To do the back-seat bingo,
Which is why I lost twenty dollars
To a gal who don’t know 50’s lingo.
Filed under Poems
Stanzas 2, Thought 0
When I moved into
The mobile home park
I thought my life
Was turning dark,
But I found pleasure
As I sought paying labors
In the form of melo-
Dramatic neighbors.
If you say “hello”
They say “Hail traveler!”
You say “I like Charizard,”
And they say “I love Graveler!”
It’s like they’re in a movie,
So although my life’s a failure
I take solace in the fact
They’re a theatrical trailer.
Filed under Poems
Never Thought I’d Miss “Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?” But Alas…
“If I were a pickled spleen
Kept in a jar for 30 years
Charged with electrical current
In a chamber full of your darkest fears,
Then released from the jar on a Sunday
And carried overseas by some birds
To attend celebrations in Istanbul
Would you still kiss me afterwards?”
Filed under Poems
Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor
Sometimes I take a bath
To ease the stress of taxation.
I fill the tub with herbs
Such as thyme for relaxation.
Filed under Poems
A Treatise On Cooperation With Government… Sort Of
Two children sit and watch a thing
That’s orange and round and fun.
One says “it’s warm and so it must
“Be a piece of fallen sun.”
One says “I can slam dunk it
“So it’s a basketball.”
Another says “it’s a tangerine!
“Do you know nothing at all?”
And I, with silent others, watch
Them call a pizza many names.
Some kids voted between them
When the appropriate moment came,
Yet I, when shown a pizza
And was asked “robot or duck?”
Didn’t vote for either answer
Because dishonest answers suck.
As the other children compromised
And said “Fine! It’s a goat!”
I ate and shared the pizza
With the others who didn’t vote.
Camping Proclamation
When in the course
Of human events
We leave our homes
To live in tents
We write poems on topics
Irrelevant to the season
So if this poem’s turnaround seems abrupt
Probably slavery’s the reason.
Filed under Poems
a mach maid in hev’in
I asked what she got
On the SAT.
She said “mayonnaise.”
I said “so did me!”
Filed under Poems
The Italian Disagrees With Your Solid/Liquid Dichotomy of Glass Consumption
You a say a that a eating glass
Is a bad a for a you
And that a if you eat a glass
You’ll a have an uncomfortable poo,
Yet a here you go a giving me
A water you hole a da ass
Cause you give a me the water
And it’s a in a drinking glass.
Filed under Poems
Last Time I Answer Spam…
I’m in a time vortex
In a failed experiment to get more sex.
Now I’m trapped in 2098 selling Goretex.
2017 could have gone better.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 