Sometimes I take a bath
To ease the stress of taxation.
I fill the tub with herbs
Such as thyme for relaxation.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Evidence For Those In Support Of The Belief That Puns Are The Lowest Form Of Humor
Filed under Poems
A Treatise On Cooperation With Government… Sort Of
Two children sit and watch a thing
That’s orange and round and fun.
One says “it’s warm and so it must
“Be a piece of fallen sun.”
One says “I can slam dunk it
“So it’s a basketball.”
Another says “it’s a tangerine!
“Do you know nothing at all?”
And I, with silent others, watch
Them call a pizza many names.
Some kids voted between them
When the appropriate moment came,
Yet I, when shown a pizza
And was asked “robot or duck?”
Didn’t vote for either answer
Because dishonest answers suck.
As the other children compromised
And said “Fine! It’s a goat!”
I ate and shared the pizza
With the others who didn’t vote.
Camping Proclamation
When in the course
Of human events
We leave our homes
To live in tents
We write poems on topics
Irrelevant to the season
So if this poem’s turnaround seems abrupt
Probably slavery’s the reason.
Filed under Poems
a mach maid in hev’in
I asked what she got
On the SAT.
She said “mayonnaise.”
I said “so did me!”
Filed under Poems
The Italian Disagrees With Your Solid/Liquid Dichotomy of Glass Consumption
You a say a that a eating glass
Is a bad a for a you
And that a if you eat a glass
You’ll a have an uncomfortable poo,
Yet a here you go a giving me
A water you hole a da ass
Cause you give a me the water
And it’s a in a drinking glass.
Filed under Poems
Last Time I Answer Spam…
I’m in a time vortex
In a failed experiment to get more sex.
Now I’m trapped in 2098 selling Goretex.
2017 could have gone better.
Filed under Poems
Alright… One. You Got Me.
I wanted to go
To the movies with you.
You couldn’t go
But that wouldn’t do
So I dressed like one person
Pretending to be two.
It was pretty fun.
The guy at the window
Sold me two passes
Despite recognizing
I wasn’t two lasses.
The tickets saw through my ploy
Like X-ray glasses:
Both of them said “Admit One.”
The Ending No One Saw Coming!
I never thought I’d be happy
To lose the shirt off my back,
To run out of money, be told I’m not funny,
And become some animal’s snack.
I’d never thought I’d be happy
To have that stuff happen to me
And as it turns out they still haven’t
So I guess life is going as expected.
Filed under Poems
Perhaps He Should Have
They say “be polite,”
“Use your manners and be kind.”
If I wanted to be a diplomat
I’d have gone to college, mind.
Filed under Poems
The End Of A Cycle
The cycle goes around itself,
A blinding dash of red.
The cycle collapses on itself.
Is its rider dead?
The cycle’s wheels roll away
Down the cliff, a stony slide.
The cyclist stands, his bike in shreds…
Last time he’ll text and ride.
Meanwhile the cycle rolls away
To who knows where and when
Until, reborn, the scattered scraps
Begin the cycle again.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 