The year was 2055
And Disney was somehow still alive.
Their greatest writer stood and said
“What if Black Panther was white instead?”
And coast to coast the people caved
As bloggers whined and critics raved
And I, at 60 years, just sat
Rewatching Shrek, and that was that.
Filed under Poems
March is the month where on TV
Are a bunch of teenage guys
Who compete to hold onto their balls
With other men of unusual size.
The best at making balls go swish
Will win. Others suffer sadness,
And that is why they call this event
By the appropriate name, March Madness.
Filed under Poems
Once in the land of Kibosh
In the castle between worlds
Was the mighty warrior, Yargh,
And the dice he deftly hurled.
He gambled with the gnomes and elves
And other clever fey
But lightning struck and Yargh’s great luck
Won the money and the day.
A fighter yes, so strong and bold
With blood as cold as ice
But we sing not of his prowess
With the blade, but of the dice.
So sing of Yargh the fortunate,
The winner of our game.
His only lack of luck is that
His parents chose that name.
Filed under Poems
My wife thinks I am a spider
And I think she may be right
Because both I and a spider
Make her scream at night.
My wife reminds me of a Nickelback
CD that I play. It
Makes a noise I quite enjoy
Although I’d never publicly say it.
Filed under Poems
There’s a zombie in the basement
And a dozen in the alley
And the news says they are spreading
Through the mountain and the valley,
Just a moaning and a eating
Brains and animals galore.
From sea to shining sea’s awash
With tears and sweat and gore.
And here I am in slippers
Eating chili and having a snooze
Because I had the foresight
To then off the evening news.
Filed under Poems
If I met an invertebrate
I’d probably try to flirt a bit.
I’d say “You look fine”
“With your lack of a spine“
Then possibly lift up her skirt a bit.
Filed under Poems
There once was a fellow name Mao
And nobody’s quite certain how
Without any trepidation
He subverted expectation
And that’s how you Hollywood now.
Filed under Poems
She was skinnier than the toilet paper
They gave me in the slammer.
Her favorite flavor of potato chip
Was probably “Arm and Hammer.”
She weighs 90 pounds in flip-flops
And half as much without
And her hair was like the love child
Of silly string and sauerkraut.
When I picked her up at 7:00
I mistook her for her Pomeranian.
Turns out she was trilingual:
English, Klingon, and Albanian.
We went to see a movie:
“Alvin the Chipmunk meets Baby Shark.”
I’m not saying I’m desperate
But I think I felt a spark!
Filed under Poems
“My tummy hurts.
My throat is sore.
I don’t want to go school no more.“
“My soul is charred.
My dreams are dead.
Take an aspirin and go to bed.”
Filed under Poems
I played D&D tonight
And we had an epic fight.
Now this nerd must rest his head
Because it’s past his time for bed.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 