Today I drive a long, long time
So you’ll have to settle for yesterday’s rhyme
Tag Archives: Travesty
It’s A Joke About Thyme, But Alas, It Won’t Rhyme
There once was a guy from Scarborough
Who was fair, but not very thorough.
He made food, garnished sparsely
With sage, rosemary, and parsley
But alas, he didn’t take time enough.
Filed under Poems
When Your Job Blows, But You Don’t
I’m inspired by that hand dryer
That’s supposed to blow the air
So the water that was on your hands
Is, well, no longer there
But it one day just decided
“I don’t like this anymore,
“So let them press my button
“And then remember what pants are for.”
Filed under Poems
Or We Could Just Choose An Animal And Interrupt Your Football Game…
Back when Youtube first began
A bunch of kids created
Videos so funny that
Folks nearly suffocated.
Now, insurance companies
Pay grown-ups lots of money
To make commercial messages
Which somehow still aren’t funny.
If you want to sell me
Some insurance or the like
You should fire your writing staff
And hire some kid named Mike
‘Cause when I see an ad that says
“We’re expensive, we won’t lie
“But we’re not just corporate assholes”
That’s the moment that I’ll buy!
Filed under Poems
Near-Death Experiences
I wonder if goats
Ever look at ghosts
And think
“If not for bad spelling
“That could have been us…”
Filed under Poems
Ode To A Forgotten Black Hero
I think the worst injustice
That we tolerate these days
Is how we abuse the roads
In a variety of ways.
We hit the road so often,
Pound the pavement, and it’s clear
That the roads get walked all over
And quitting time is near.
We’d never stab our children,
But we stick forks in the road
Then expect it to hold on
While it carries our giant load.
It’s time to give the streets a break…
Oops! I mean let them rest!
Anyway, quit using roads
Because that’s for the best.
Filed under Poems
Even If Big Eddie Says “I’ll Snuggle You After”
When a guy goes to prison
He calls up his wife
And says, “Though I’m in here
“For 15 to life
“I want you to hold off
“From having sex with other guys.”
His wife says “You too,”
Because she’s just that wise.
Filed under Poems
Schools Now vs. Schools After the Corporate Overlords Quit Hiding
Mom and Dad, guess what! Guess what
I learned today in school!
I learned it doesn’t matter
If you’re smart or fast or cool.
The only thing that matters
Is that you have self-esteem,
And that means that you like yourself
No matter how lame you seem.
Child, child, guess what! Guess what
You’ll learn when you get older?
You can love yourself to death
But still get a cold shoulder
Because what people care about
Is not how you project
But whether or not you’re somebody
Who’s worthy of respect.
Mom and Dad, how can I be
Someone who’s worth respecting
If I’m the sort of guy that I
Would always be rejecting?
Child, child, if you hate
The person that you are
You come to city motors
And you buy a better car!
Filed under Poems
Just FYI
Today I’m going adventuring
To a land without wifi or ceilings.
I’ll sleep in a tent
‘Til my body is bent
Just to not think about business dealings.
The poems from now to this Thursday
Were written Sunday in a blur,
So if you’re not pleased
With poems like these
You have my permission to grrr.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 