Writing lousy poems
Is really not that hard.
It doesn’t take a lot of work
To be a blogging bard.
The only bit that’s difficult
Is deciding what to write,
Thus my meta-poetry
At 10 o’clock at night.
Tag Archives: Travesty
When You’re Not Picky About Who You Befriend
My friend has 70 statues of legs.
I don’t know how he got ’em,
But I know if he ever spanks a statue
He’ll likely hit rock bottom.
Filed under Poems
Gobbledegook
In the wilds of Gobbledegook
Are paths too many overlook.
One path most people think is lost
Leads to a world exempt of cost,
Where man and nature have no laws,
Where an effect may have no cause,
Where you may hear a singsong tune
That smells like sunset on the moon.
The goblins that live in this land
Live lives most thoroughly unplanned,
Not to be shared with people doomed
To travel on a path more groomed.
If you are one who seeks to find
The secrets of the unthought mind,
To seek safety via dangers
Know this: Goblins welcome strangers.
All you need to live for free
Is to stare at what you can’t see.
The best place to start to not look?
Try the wilds of Gobbledegook.
Filed under Poems
White Men, 2019
One day someone was looking
At a girl with diamond earrings
And thought “hey, those are pretty
“But why not use frisbees instead?”
Thus was the beginning
Of the now-frequent appearings
Of those with earlobes larger
Than the brains inside their heads.
Filed under Poems
Old Habits Never Die
She killed a man in April.
By May she was convicted.
The day of her execution came;
Her heart, it was conflicted.
The guard came to her cell
And asked what her last meal would be.
She said “I don’t know. What do you want?”
#ReasonsForTheDeathPenalty
Filed under Poems
She’s Also My Muse (And The Reason This Blog Exists)
My Mom’s the bomb!
Her name’s not Tom.
She deserves much great aplomb.
She’s older than a CD-Rom.
This poem’s bad, unlike my Mom.
Filed under Poems
Let Life End As It Began
I want to die of an orgasm.
It’s a death that would leave me content
And the folks at my wake
Would say “for goodness’ sake
“That poet, he came and he went.”
58008 is the new 90210
More men than women study math,
Professionally at least.
This is true from North to South
And also West to East.
It’s not because women are dumb
Or men like math by fate…
It’s that all boys love what happens
When you invert 7,251×8.
Filed under Poems
It’s 11:48 And I’m A Horrible Person
Today I cut onions
And everyone cried.
Onions was a good dog;
It’s a shame that he died.
Filed under Poems
Other Viable Weapons Include Chihuahuas, Telemarketers, And The Music Of Taylor Swift
Are you unhappy?
Perhaps you’re depressed?
You want to shoot up a school
Because you’re so stressed?
Don’t grab your assault gun
And make hunters sad.
Instead, grab some kale
And do something bad.
If a few more folk heroes
With defective prozac
Go out with a bang
Via kale attack
The liberals will ban it
And the world will shout “yay!”
To leave your legacy
That’s the very best way.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 