Tag Archives: Travesty

Remember The Instigators

Today we thank the eager few

Who gave their lives for me and you,

Who walked through fire, blood, and steel

Knowing well how it would feel,

Enduring all put in their path,

Both human fear and nature’s wrath.

They kept their word and walked the walk

‘Cause politicians wouldn’t talk.

Tomorrow we will thank the few,

Among their number maybe you,

Who stood their ground and bravely said

“We do not want our children dead.”

“We do not need what others own.

We welcome strangers to our home.

The cause of each and every war

Are those in whom our power we store.”

Today remember soldiers late

So those to come won’t share their fate.

There’ll be no “Those who came before”

When humankind says “no” to war.

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Netflix and Shill

“You want to watch The Notebook?”

At 10:00 PM she wrote.

I smiled and typed “Is that the one

“With Kate Winslet and the boat?”

She said “Not exactly…”

And my brilliant retort

Was “Then who ends the movie

“By chasing the chick through the airport?”

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: ) vs. 😀 – Still Better Than The Movie

If someone shows you their colon

You really ought to be hopin’

That the parentheses that follows it

Is closed rather than open. : )

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My top-three emojis on my phone

Are 🎆, ❤️, and 🤑.

I consider this proof I’m American.

Also (just to rhyme): 🐇

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Blue are the violets.

Red are the roses.

In this era of graphical innovation

Why do none of these 😀 have noses?

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Subtitles Wa, Kawaii Desu

I watched American cartoons

All day every day.

My dad said I should read more

So now I watch anime.

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Private Thoughts

If I were in the army

Instead of throwing grenades

I’d throw bottled beverages

Like juice and lemonades

And while our foes are hydrating

And their smiles reach their eyes

That’s when I’d throw my grenade.

#ElementOfSurprise

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The New Theory Of Relativity

If you’re in the bathroom

And a minute passes by

You don’t even notice

That on the other side

The guy outside the bathroom

Has lived 100 years alone

In a near-death state while you

Read your email on your phone.

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With All Due Respect…

You deprive me of my solitude

Yet loneliness remains.

I long for you as often

As a pinecone longs for chains.

I love you like the Jewish faith

Love bread with time to leaven

And I’d describe your sense of humor

As a pH of 11.

When, alas, my eyes are on you

I feel no sense of hesitation

That the prudent course of action

Is a quick defenestration.

You’ll never feel a lacking

Of the things you never knew

And I hope that everyone you meet

Are just as great as you!

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Scandinavia

Somebody was like

“What if we wrote ‘SKJ’

“And pronounced it like ‘sh?'”

And another guy was like

“When Hell freezes over.”

And I was like

“Nor way man!”

Also hockey, socialism, and vikings.

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That’s Why My Nickname Is “Fish Lips”

My dad has the heart of a lion.

My mom has the heart of a gnu.

Sure, my dad has better taste

But they’re both banned for life from the zoo.

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Somewhere, 1.923% Of My Readers Just Pooped Themselves (The Other 98.077 Need To Reevaluate Their Fetishes)

Find a deck of shuffled playing cards.

Pick a random card and write it down.

Then think of the number of letters

In the name of your favorite town…

If you subtract the number you thought of

From how often you think of French maids

You’ll find that the card you have written

Is in fact the seven of spades.

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