Everything in life worth knowing
Can be found in a hard-boiled egg.
If you don’t see how that’s possible
Your name probably isn’t Greg.
Tag Archives: Travesty
Is The Red Meat Yellow?
If you ever meet a cannibal
And it wants to eat your flesh
And you want to look less finger-lickin’ good
Then scream and cry and wail
‘Cause cannibals don’t like
The taste of chicken. Are we understood?
Filed under Poems
The Answer, At Last!
All the single ladies
Ask where all the good men went,
Dreaming of the good old days
When the six-foot-plus millionaires
Without egos or exes
Would contact them conveniently
And buy them stuff
All without leaving the house.
Meanwhile the six-foot-plus
Drama-free millionaires
Are in their basements
Roleplaying car thieves
And writing bad poetry blogs.
You’re welcome.
Filed under Poems
Adventures In Milk Purchasing
I am a human
Who lives in a place
Where food can be purchased to eat.
Some take that for granted,
Some think it’s a nuisance,
And I think it’s pretty darn neat.
But sometimes I wonder
About fellow shoppers
Who bought before I came along.
I used to think fondly
Of my fellow humans*
But now I have proof I was wrong.
*This is a lie, but the photo is real
You Pull Me Down (The Alcohol Song)
When my body is strong
And my conscience is clean,
When troubles flee
And there’s no pain to be seen
Then I sip you
And fade into the white noise
Until the darkness comes
And has its way with me.
You pull me down
So I can walk on water.
You pull me down
To kiss a killer bee.
I am loud
And damp and have a bee sting.
You pull me down
And show the real me.
Then I awake
And find my house is tattered,
My lampshade’s gone
And so’s my front door key
And on my arm
My blood says “Margueritte wuz here.”
I don’t know her
But I guess she knew me.
Filed under Poems
On Acceptable Mediocrity And Busy Schedules
When one cannot find the time
To come up with a clever rhyme
Or twist to end a bit of verse
One may perchance become terse.
One may then search and one may find
That a lousy poem they don’t mind,
That stuff can be bad yet still okay
And that’s the tale of my poem today!
Filed under Poems
Ye Olde Goode Advice
If at first you don’t succeed
Run away with all due speed
For though thine courage shan’t be praised
From the dead thou needn’t be raised.
Filed under Poems
Elton John Meets Dumbo
I’ve always been an ally
To animals and butterflies,
So I wanted to play piano
For the beasts. Never did I surmise
That tickling the ivories
Would, in fact, lead to my demise.
I thought it would be cute,
But the elephant thought otherwise.
Filed under Poems
Pokemon: When A Binder Becomes A Portfolio
He wanted to be the very best
Like no one ever was.
He played the games and bought the cards.
His reasoning? “Just ’cause.”
Now he travels across the land
Rich and fancy free
Because he sold old merchandise
To folks like you and me.
It took some courage along the way
To claim his rightful place;
His base set boosters unopened still
By some amazing grace
Kept up in value as time went on.
The prices didn’t fall
Because of middle class ’90s kids
Who had to catch ’em all.
And so for all the neopets
Forgotten in the cloud,
The baseball rookies who faded out,
The fads without a crowd
There rose among them a modern god,
Electric mouse and friends
That makes you money enough to buy
The very world we must defend.
That’s why I’m buying at Toys R Us
Instead of buying stock.
Who know what franchise will soon become
The next Pokémon or pet rock?
Filed under Poems
Please Move Progressively Somewhere Else
If you don’t like the country
In which you make your home
Then see the world as options
To the places you might roam.
And if you’re in a country
You dislike but can’t depart
You are in our prayers,
In our thoughts, and in our heart.
But if you can leave your country
And insult it while you stay
Then do us all a favor
And shut up or move away.
The Daily Travesty 