We’ve invented machines to play games
That run at 60 frames
Every second, but I
Prefer to play my
Pinball machine with the flames.
Tag Archives: Travesty
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
There twice was an unlikeable chick
Who expressed her detractors were “Ick”.
She lost to a man
With a very fake tan
And I’m not opposed to the schtick.
Filed under Poems
What Really Matters
‘Teas the night of the election
And all round the world
All the people were asking
“Why’d they kill the poor squirrel?”
Filed under Poems
Glue: Origins
There once was a dude so tough
That he grabbed a horse by the scruff
And then used extreme heat
To melt horsey’s feet
Just so he could stick paper to stuff.
Filed under Poems
Dear Every Channel Today, Apparently…
If you feel the need to change our minds
Two days before our votes are cast
I suggest that your campaign was crap
And the time for changing minds has passed.
Filed under Poems
When You’re Sick Of Moderation, So You Let The CCP Do It For You
Have you heard about Tiananmen Square?
Well, in case you weren’t aware
China did some bad stuff.
I hope this limerick’s enough
To get Chinese spammers out of my hair.
Filed under Poems
Pro Choices?
Some people put pronouns in their bio.
Some people post proverbs instead.
The two groups both share a common belief
That the others are off in the head.
Filed under Poems
Old Man In Park With Chessboard
“E4”, he said as I sat down.
“E5”, I humbly reply.
He then proceeds to impale my soul
And asks if I’d like to retry.
Filed under Poems
See Also: People Who Drive The Speed Limit In The Carpool Lane
There once was a political leftist
And another who leaned to the right.
They both mocked the art in banks and hotels
And then peacefully mumbled “Good night.”
Filed under Poems
Postmodern Sports
People pay for paper
To play games of skill and chance
Where whoever bought the biggest bad
Will do the victory dance.
Boys will bash their brains in
To gain a yard or two
To prove their color’s mascot
Can score more points than you.
Folks will flee their families
To clock another hour
In hopes they’ll earn an office
That will make their colleagues cower.
I could go on forever
Making metaphors like these
But instead I’ll pose a “Let’s suppose”
To replace pastimes like these.
When you look past the colors
And the titles and the flags
It’s really just a contest
Of the biggest moneybags
So why not have a contest
Where we burn a stack of cash
And the champion of the world is he
With the longest-burning ash?
This money-burning contest
Will be framed as needing skill
And is an excellent opportunity
To sell a snack/drink/pill.
Heck, make a legal system
Where your life goes up in flame
And share it on a TV show
To keep building the game!
Then fans of sports and politics
And work and sex and war
Can celebrate the waste of time
While laughing at the poor.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 