Donald and Elon sitting in a tree
T.W… oops… X.I.N.G.
First come threats
War comes later
And wait, is that Kanye playing mediator?
Tag Archives: Truth
It Rhymes With Duck (And It’s One Of The Words Timmy CAN Spell)
Timmy was a troubled child
Who wouldn’t do his work.
When Timmy didn’t pass his class
His mom became a jerk
And met with Timmy’s principal:
“If Timmy doesn’t walk
“At graduation, your boss and I
“Will have a little talk.”
Well the principal’s salary
Is based on graduation rate
So he waived Timmy’s missing stuff
And got thanked by the state.
Timmy is a graduate.
The principal got paid.
Society got a synoym
For “screwed” and “loved” and “laid.”
Filed under Poems
On The Devaluation Of Currency And Its Indirect Consequences To Tourism And Related Industries (Or: Time To Invest In Fountains, As The Price Of Wishes Just Went Up 400%)
I sing of a coin called a penny
Whose value was just less than “any”.
It was cash, free and legal, and yet it
Was not worth the effort to get it.
If it’s true what the president hinted
No longer will such coins be minted
And I for one ponder this pickle:
Will folks still pay for a souvenir nickel?
Filed under Poems
Songwriting Tip #5678
If your chorus is just one sentence
Repeated exactly four times
That song isn’t actually music
And one day you’ll pay for your crimes.
Filed under Poems
Remember This In The Pandemic Of 2119
If instead of wearing masks
And going to school and work online
We had just put on some badass capes
The kids would all be fine.
Filed under Poems
Every. Single. Month.
In thirty seconds
She can laugh and scream and weep
‘Cause water is wet
Filed under Poems
What I Learned In English Class
Haiku poems are great
‘Cause teachers can’t judge you for
Minimal effort
Filed under Poems
And For Seven Days We Had 2005 Again…
“Revenge of the Sith” is the best-selling movie.
“Oblivion” is the most popular game
And I just hope the rest of this year
Keeps this week’s agenda the same.
Filed under Poems
Abs for the Sedentary
There once was a gym teacher, Hank
Who I for one think we should thank.
He said, “Movement is bad
“And it makes me sad”
And so he invented the plank.
Filed under Poems
True Story (Unfortunately)
Tonight, when playing pickleball
I did a little dance
While trying to smack that fickle ball
And oops! I ripped my pants!
I learned to play more cautiously.
Also, for what it’s worth
I’ve secured my reputation
As the whitest man on Earth.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 