If everybody had a gun
The world would be a lot of fun
And if everyone died ‘cause I was wrong
No one would complain this poem ain’t long.
Category Archives: Poems
Eight Lines In Two Minutes… I’m Inspired 🥰
Tonight I was abducted
By a girl with rosy hair
And forced into abiding love
Of depth both fine and rare.
She’s brushing her teeth now
And I’m trying to write this fast.
(This wasn’t my first “my girl’s here” poem
And it surely won’t be my last).
Filed under Poems
Progress
When I write poems in the evening
They’re terrible, so today I said
“I’m going to write my poem first thing”
And now I’m bad in the morning instead!
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The First Zebra Is Born
There was a majestic white horse
Who was, of nature, a force.
She said “It’s alright
“That our kid’s black and white”
But her husband still wants a divorce.
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My Job Application
Today I applied
For a job at Haikuists
And my resume
Was almost complete
But alas this applicant
Didn’t think ahead.
They asked for Haikus
About Love and Spring and Cats
But they had no space
For me to submit
These poems, and so I post
Them for your sake here:
Spring In Protland
Spring is in the air…
So is pollen, and it rains
While the sun still shines
Cats
Fickle feline friend…
Six pounds of pure killing force…
What a cutey pie!
Love
You will meet someone
And your soul will fill with fire
Be sure to hydrate
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Bird of Paradise
Sometimes I wonder if I’d be happier
If I’d been born as an eel,
But then when a movie takes a shocking turn
I wouldn’t know how to feel…
Then I go on Google to find an animal
That’s happiest, and today I found it:
Introducing the greatest bird ever…
The American Bushtit.
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Race War, The Board Game
Every time you set up a game
Of chess and take a pawn
You’ve created a token minority.
That’s all for tonight… moving on…
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Together Or Apart, The Heart Still Desires
Even if the submarine is yellow
It’s hidden still, deep below the light.
Its crew works around the clock
So it’s bright all morning, noon, and night.
So even though it never feels like evening
The submariners must long for the sun,
Which they’ll be apart from, underwater
Until they’re told the mission’s finally done.
So it is to be apart from loved ones,
Trapped by distance out of your control,
Like a bird migrating by its lonesome
Or a puzzle one piece short of whole.
If you feel longing, I wish you peace;
If your family is making you consider a career in the submarine corps because they just won’t stop, I hope they cease.
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Also, Jesus I Guess?
Tomorrow’s a day of new life,
Promising Earth without strife
Then we hide unborn fowls
And add weight to our jowls
Then we eat the mascots with a knife.
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At Least I Made An Effort This Time?
Every other day it seems
I write a poem good,
And every other day
I say I probably should.
Today I settled in between,
Insofar as it’s eight lines long
And includes some funny words
Like spelunker and dipthong.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 