In a positive twist on current events,
It seems the number of incidents
Of accidental gunshots dropped
When everybody suddenly stopped
Tolerating anything Russian,
Which apparently included pushing
A swift end to games of Russian Roulette.
So hey! Take what good news you get!
Filed under Poems
Some kids will say “Astronaut”.
Some kids will say “Surgeon.”
Some kids will say “Engineer”
Which means they misspelled “Virgin.”
Some kids will say “A Hero
“Dressed in armor and a cowl.”
But props to the kid who said
“I’d be your girlfriend’s towel.”
Filed under Poems
A poem without rhyming’s
Like a cheeseburger without cheese,
A BLT with no tomato,
A bowl of carrots without peas.
A poem without rhyming
Lacks flavor and synergy
But alas I’m on a diet
And must cut whatever calories I can…
Filed under Poems
Tonight we lose an hour
Which I don’t think is fair.
It’s like somebody skipped the end of a poem
Filed under Poems
Sometimes a customer writes me to say
“I wish that your product would do things this way.”
I like to tell them “Hey, let’s clear the air:
“The problem’s between your keyboard and chair.”
Filed under Poems
I worked 13 hours today
So a two line poem is a-ok.
Filed under Poems
This Saturday the mask mandate
Expires in my state,
So people must be healthy
Like the records indicate…
And yet today was Wednesday
And I will surely die, since
I took my mask off early
And I happen to trust science.
Filed under Poems
There once was a QB named Russell
Who out of Seattle did hustle.
So now I’m stuck
‘Cause the phrase “Now we suck”
In no way or shape rhymes with Russell.
Filed under Poems
Strawberry girl who smiled at me,
I can’t help but wonder who it is you see.
Is it a ghost? In your heart I haunt
With illusory promise of all that you want;
Or is it a man who won’t stop the fight
To find you? Which one of us brings you delight?
Strawberry girl who gave me a kiss,
When we’re apart which me do you miss?
Is it the thought of the way that you feel
Like each moment we are is too sweet to be real;
Or is it the man protecting the bruise
Someone left on his heart? Which me will you choose?
Strawberry girl who held me one day,
I will be your man, whether mortal or fey;
A dream or a person, a prayer or a mind;
Someone to be cherished or else left behind.
You are a woman, but also a thought,
And I’ll be your man whether you’re here or not.
Filed under Poems
Remember the days when you thought
Whether you’d be successful or not
Was dependent on if you were right
About whether it’s stalagmite or stalactite?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 