I always wanted a grandkid
With whom I could spend days
Holding, feeding, talking, reading,
And bonding in other ways.
When I got the call that said
“I’m pregnant,” I felt joy.
All that could make it better was if
The pregnant one was my little boy.
Tag Archives: America
Alpha, Delta, Omicron…
A kid with jelly on his hands
Picked up a DVD
And put it in to watch a film
On their big screen TV,
But yet alas, the dirty disc
Got stuck around halfway
And it repeated the same old scene
Even when they pressed “play.”
Then finally they’d had enough
And said “I’ve had enough,”
Pulled out the disk and wiped it off
Then did some other stuff.
A five-year old can figure out
When something isn’t right
To make a new plan without delay
And still have fun that night.
And yet the leaders we voted for
Have yet to grasp this thought,;
Instead they say “shots didn’t work…
“How ‘bout another shot?”
Filed under Poems
Thanks New World Order!
This year they started teaching kids
As young as five-years-old
That gender is whatever you choose
And not just what you’re told.
To celebrate this progress
In sex-ed for the prepubescent
I thought of a list of titles
For children’s books in this age present:
“Everybody Fucks,” for one;
Or “When the President Sniffs Your Hair”;
“The Very Hungry Pedophile”;
Or the two-papa Berenstain Bears.
“When Daddy Says ‘Call Me Mommy’”;
“The Fantastic Gyration Sensation”;
And a favorite of drag queen story hour:
“A is for Autoerotic Asphyxiation.”
Maybe you don’t feel comfortable
Putting porn in your preschooler’s head?
Don’t worry! For kids who are too young
We’ll teach them they’re racists instead!
Filed under Poems
Fauced Up Man…
There’s a guy in a political alliance
Who’s rightfully earned our defiance.
Instead of giving puppies hugs
He had them eaten alive by bugs
And yet you still say “Trust the science”?
Filed under Poems
A New Study Finds All This Began In 1960 When A Straight White Man Refused To Get Vaccinated
The average guy is a virgin.
The average girl is a hoe.
You can get a college degree
To combat toxic masculinity…
How’d we get here? I don’t know.
Filed under Poems
The Quickest Of Ego Boosts
If you’re feeling blue
Because Summer turned to Fall
Just change your name to Brandon
And learn to love football.
Filed under Poems
It’s Almost Like People Are Frustrated And Indifferent For Some Reason…
Anyone remember
When a conversation meant
You tell your partner what you like
And everywhere you went,
Your hopes and dreams and fantasies
And they reply with “K”?
You don’t, which makes me wonder
How we got to this today.
Filed under Poems
Joke of the Day
Harvey Weinstein, Pablo Escobar, and Joe Biden walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Let me guess… you want me to put it in my body or I’ll never work again?”
Filed under Uncategorized
When The School Counselor Gives Up
Just because last time you jumped
You injured yourself in the fall
Doesn’t mean you’ll be mistaken
If you once again give it your all.
Just because last time the verdict
Did not go the way you intended
Does not mean your life will be better
If you avoid being offended.
Just because pain is eternal
Doesn’t mean you should quit having fun.
Don’t be a fool! Get up! Go to school!
And oh, by the way, here’s a gun.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 